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Joel Frieders

Dead Seem Old - They Won't Find Us

I have no idea who Dead Seem Old are.  But when a song comes in with a ping ping pling pling ping and a few handclaps, I owe it to the gods to give the whole shits a listen.

"They Won't Find Us" is some smooth ass shit. 

I can hear this band becoming more and more awesome the longer I listen to them, so I'm excited to hear some other shits from them before declaring them my favorite band to sit at the kitchen table eating an apple while naked to. 

SOMEONE MAKE THEM MAKE MORE MUSIC YO!

Dead Seem Old STALKER LINKS
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Rob Sonic - Alice In Thunderdome

Now let me preface this entire smattering of flatterings by saying that I’m a fucking Rob Sonic fanboy. I don’t feel ashamed by any means when I declare him one of my favorite personalities in music. Dude could rap my resume and I’d be like “HOW DID HE DO THAT?!?!?!?!?!?! DID YOU HEAR THAT BROS?!?!?!?! HOW DID HE-? WHEN DID HE-? BRO! CROWN HIM IMMEDIATELY!!!!”.

While I’m a super balls fan of his rapping and shit, I sometimes wonder if my thinking that he’s just cool as shit and that I really want to be his best friend is why I love his music so much. 

*bites bottom lip*

Ah well. Whether...

The Jordan Years - You Oughta Know

I am not one to tout over my friends just because they're my friends.

EVER WONDER WHY I AIN'T TOO KEEN ON SOME OF MY BEST FRIEND'S'S RAPS BRO?

Well, I've never had to fake my broppreciation for the band The Jordan Years

Even when a song is slightly more mellow than I'm used to, I'm still in awe at how fucking smooth The Jordan Years spread thier soul butter all over everything. This shit feels like something I know the words to already, even though I don't know the words already, alls I know is I'm rubbing my chest and doing a slo-bro-mo Dougie in the mirror. 

WAS THIS THEIR PLAN ALL ALONG?

I love that Wes is always monocled, and that Roger can't find a hat that fits to save his dick, and that Mike's bass gets higher and higher upon his chest the older he gets (dude is like 60 now bro). I don't know the ivory tickler or the drummer in person yet, but I'm sure both of them save coupons and store them in their wallet and then never actually use them except to dispose of a piece of gum while in court.

All of these assumptions lead me to my one line synopsis of this video. Ready?

"There will be bacon."

THERE. I SAID IT. GO BUY THIS.
THE JORDAN YEARS STALKABLES
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AND GO SEE THEM ON OCTOBER 23rd DAMNIT!

WORLD PREMIERE VIDEO: DOLLS - Pedestal

DOLLS daintily trots down the tightrope between intentionally and accidentally fucking awesome. The electro sweat this lady swats off of her pale skin is disgustingly addicting, lending itself to a general environment rather than a situational specificity.
 
DOLLS somehow paints the underworld red to match her lipstick shade in the WORLD PREMIERE of her new drop, "Pedestal". And while I'm guilty of tucking my erection for her single drops these past few years, the fact that I can't exactly focus on her exact focus is part of my attraction to her creations. 
 
JOIN ME IN USING "Pedestal" AS THE BROROMETER WITH WHICH WE THERMBROMETER OUR BRORECTAL TEMPERATURE, AND THEN WHEN THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, JUST RUB YOUR FRONT AND THIRST FOR ENTRY FROM THE REAR.
 
DOLLS is oddly enough the personification of exactly how I would exhibit myself, if I knew no one else was watching, and that feather boas were indeed masculine in 2014. OR WAIT, DO I REALLY CARE ABOUT AN ASSUMED LEVEL OF MASCULINITY IF I'M ALREADY SINTOXICATED AND TWIRLING?
 
Oh eat shit. Let us stalk DOLLS and BUY THIS SINGLE!
 
 
DOLLS

Falside - End of an Error

Falside is the dude in your group of friends that you have no idea what the Fuck he's up to, as he doesn't share much about his personal life, but then one day you're flipping through the newspaper on the shitter and he's won some hundred thousand dollar prize for those wooden ships you fit inside glass bottles and shit. He isn't out there bragging about his accomplishments, or that he managed to not only craft a custom clipper ship out of teak and match sticks, but he was able to replicate the fleur de li topped with a dollop of minced horseradish of Sir Winston Manichevitz's 1528 AD family crest on the masthead of said ship.
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