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Joel Frieders

The Jordan Years - You Oughta Know

I am not one to tout over my friends just because they're my friends.

EVER WONDER WHY I AIN'T TOO KEEN ON SOME OF MY BEST FRIEND'S'S RAPS BRO?

Well, I've never had to fake my broppreciation for the band The Jordan Years

Even when a song is slightly more mellow than I'm used to, I'm still in awe at how fucking smooth The Jordan Years spread thier soul butter all over everything. This shit feels like something I know the words to already, even though I don't know the words already, alls I know is I'm rubbing my chest and doing a slo-bro-mo Dougie in the mirror. 

WAS THIS THEIR PLAN ALL ALONG?

I love that Wes is always monocled, and that Roger can't find a hat that fits to save his dick, and that Mike's bass gets higher and higher upon his chest the older he gets (dude is like 60 now bro). I don't know the ivory tickler or the drummer in person yet, but I'm sure both of them save coupons and store them in their wallet and then never actually use them except to dispose of a piece of gum while in court.

All of these assumptions lead me to my one line synopsis of this video. Ready?

"There will be bacon."

THERE. I SAID IT. GO BUY THIS.
THE JORDAN YEARS STALKABLES
Website
Facebook
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InstaJordanYears

AND GO SEE THEM ON OCTOBER 23rd DAMNIT!

WORLD PREMIERE VIDEO: DOLLS - Pedestal

DOLLS daintily trots down the tightrope between intentionally and accidentally fucking awesome. The electro sweat this lady swats off of her pale skin is disgustingly addicting, lending itself to a general environment rather than a situational specificity.
 
DOLLS somehow paints the underworld red to match her lipstick shade in the WORLD PREMIERE of her new drop, "Pedestal". And while I'm guilty of tucking my erection for her single drops these past few years, the fact that I can't exactly focus on her exact focus is part of my attraction to her creations. 
 
JOIN ME IN USING "Pedestal" AS THE BROROMETER WITH WHICH WE THERMBROMETER OUR BRORECTAL TEMPERATURE, AND THEN WHEN THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, JUST RUB YOUR FRONT AND THIRST FOR ENTRY FROM THE REAR.
 
DOLLS is oddly enough the personification of exactly how I would exhibit myself, if I knew no one else was watching, and that feather boas were indeed masculine in 2014. OR WAIT, DO I REALLY CARE ABOUT AN ASSUMED LEVEL OF MASCULINITY IF I'M ALREADY SINTOXICATED AND TWIRLING?
 
Oh eat shit. Let us stalk DOLLS and BUY THIS SINGLE!
 
 
DOLLS

Falside - End of an Error

Falside is the dude in your group of friends that you have no idea what the Fuck he's up to, as he doesn't share much about his personal life, but then one day you're flipping through the newspaper on the shitter and he's won some hundred thousand dollar prize for those wooden ships you fit inside glass bottles and shit. He isn't out there bragging about his accomplishments, or that he managed to not only craft a custom clipper ship out of teak and match sticks, but he was able to replicate the fleur de li topped with a dollop of minced horseradish of Sir Winston Manichevitz's 1528 AD family crest on the masthead of said ship.
...

Ben Howard - I Forget Where We Were

I got almost all the way through this album with a dull case of the disinteresteds before a specific moment fucking thwapped me in the fucking throat and made me pay the Fuck attention and start the fucker over.

At the 4:44 mark of the seventh track, "End of the Affair", I almost threw up.

It felt like the first time I heard the revamped version of Fleetwood Mac's "Big Love" off of the live album The Dance. When Lindsay Buckingham starts fucking bleating like a lost goat, I fucki...

Our Interview with Cas One: I don't want any of my friends to think that I wouldn't fuk them.

I’ve known this kid Jake on the internet for a few years now. We have a lot in common besides just our skin color and our affinity for spandex and white wine. Hell, our kids are breathing the same oxygen and we share his wife as an instagram follower, we’re practically related bro.

When Jacob (THAT’S CAS ONE BRO) mentioned he was dropping the video for the track I almost got tattooed on my grundle from last year’s The Monster and The Wishing Well, I texted him a picture of my underwear drawer and demanded premiere status at SYFFAL. Cas obliged, not because he felt obligated, but because I threatened to go back through his Facebook status history and like something so-not-hip-hop from like 2011. And that made the perfectly pomade-...

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