About Syffal.com

Contrary to popular belief, Joel Frieders isn't a pygmy. Fourteen stables and purple salmon, ring around the rosey never felt so contingent on Reggie's erect pinky while sipping the nectar of the gods you call Five Alive. Whereforart thou riches stain my Guiness glasses in participatory malfiecence and rudebwoi cross colors clothing. Bigger than the beatles, bigger than breast implants, bigger than guns, bigger than cigarettes.

Love,
Dad

As I begin to get older I get more obsessive compulsive about my music. I thought this stage of my life was supposed to end when I was hanging Dave Matthews posters on my dorm room wall back in the late 90s, but college just made it worse. I actually got a minor in music, but it was really a minor in the history of Rock & Roll and it shouldn't have counted toward a degree. Other than transforming me into a music junkie college prepared me for the real world of Trivial Pursuit. I don't want to brag, but I'm somewhat of an expert when it come to pink pie pieces. As I begin my 30's I only have a couple of friends who actively pursue music that I constantly annoy with my 'find of the week.' I also have perfectly proportioned toes, enjoy guilty pleasures, and completely adore Brian Wilson... You know, that Barenaked Ladies song.

Growing up my entire family had huge boners for Billy Joel. I never understood it. (Mind you I was rocking out to Snap's "The Power" at the time so who was I to judge) Four sisters, a twin brother, and a Dad who ALL owned Billy Joel's "Greatest Hits". Some had it in the tape format, others had made the leap to the new and exciting world of cds...but they ALL had it. Crazy. Why have SIX copies of the same craptastic album under one roof? I could not be like them! At the tender age of twelve I realized I would need to follow my own Joel-less musical path. I had to. It was my destiny. I packed my bags and left. I would be the David Carradine of musical "Kung Fu". Wandering the earth, making sure wherever I went it would be a "Piano Man" Free zone. I've followed that mantra from then to today... and now I bring it to you.

They say Rock and Roll is a young man's game. When I turned 27, my grandmother's response was, "That's not young". What does that mean now that I am pushing 40? My wife thinks that my friends and I sitting around listening to music is juvenile (ok, maybe she not just talking about the music listening). I live and work in northern Westchester County, NY among lots of lawyers and investment bankers. I have a bunch of kids and pets, I coach youth teams, I go to couples dinners. No, I am not Kevin Spacey in "American Beauty" - there are no teenage cheerleaders trying to bed me and Ricky Fitts isn't trying to sell me weed for $2000 a baggie. I like my cliched suburban life. But, everybody needs something. Music is my book club, poker night, softball league and mah jong circle. I don't have a lot of time to listen every week, so I count on a lot of different filters (friends, podcasts, blogs, magazines) to guide golden musical nuggets to my pan. We spend our life being sifted through filters, and sifting the non-stop barrage of information coming at us. Each week, I'll let you know what album my filters let through. Despite my slide into middle age, I am trying to not go gentle into that good night. Who know, maybe there's still time to be Bill Graham (pictured)? If not, at least I can pretend to be Lester Bangs.

Brandon Backhaus has been asleep at the wheel for a decade. He just woke up smashed in a roadside ditch surrounded my empty Mike's Hard Lemonade bottles, and Ragga Jungle mixtapes. And after taking stock, has decided to hitchhike back to life, pausing only to belt out the occasional, "It's the Final Countdown", masturbate, and be mouth-raped by Cap't Crunch.

After turning down several requests to take Matt Taibbi’s job at Rolling Stone as a PAID political columnist, Brent reluctantly took on a role at SYFFAL in 2012. His taste in music is extremely limited (and shitty), but he’s great at sounding like he actually knows what the Fuck he’s talking about. If you’re in need of reactionary opinions on anything, he’s your guy. He is under the same impression as Richard Ashcroft when it comes to Tabby cats, as they are harbingers of the devil. He was also raised ala Tiger Woods to become a professional bowler since the age of 7, but gave all that up for weed when he was 16 and hasn’t looked back since. His favorite car is a 1987 Toyota Tercel hatchback (any color) and he lives with his mom in a crappy duplex.

Chaz Kangas (Chaz Kangas) was raised by his parents in a house. Later, he attended a college where he lived in a dorm. Upon graduating from this school (in a building) with a diploma he keeps in a frame, he found himself in a bedroom in an apartment. He has tried eight (8) different flavors of Pop Tarts, owns zero (0) yachts and made it to Webelo Scout until he left to pursue bringing Def Comedy to under-developed (ie. Non-United States) nations and spend more time with his Sega-CD.

Smooth "Grandpa Lou" Lou is a human beatbox residing in and out of Chicago and has, at times, lived as both a singing hobo AND a stabbing hobo. He left his awesome 50" LCD TV to his shitty ex-girlfriend and currently manages to piece together fragments of what's cool via his old married friends' Facebook Status Updates and the tumblogs of girls that are way too young for him. So no, unless you cover Goo Goo Dolls or make songs about your girlfriend cutting herself, he's never heard of your band. 

I won't say Will got this job because his dad works here, but I won't not say it. An active member of the collective Fameless Fam, Will just moved to Brooklyn where he checks the mail daily for his greencard and prepares for Halloween.

Will also contributes a segment with Ricky Shabazz called "The Produce Section" to The Cluster Mag x 2DopeBoyz.

@FamelessVirtue

Chalk it up to having never having been around to see Eddie Murphy say "Fuck" or perhaps missing out on Metallica before they cut their hair, but since the tender age of thirteen, Dick has a raging bone to pick with his fetid, Midwestern peers. With what little spare time he has left, Dick enjoys fine cooking, blast beats, strong women, and early Wu-Tang Clan. One time Dick fell into running river during the winter when he was a child. Dick really thinks dirt bikes reached the apex of coolness in the mid-1980s. Dick's favorite movie is Terminator 2. Dick Dick Dick.

Brendan Ryan is a full time student and a part time shortstop for the St. Louis Cardinals. He is barely literate, asleep during daylight hours, and a fan of all things Manilow. When traveling abroad he tells people he is friends with Michael Jordan. And at 2:12 every day we will listen to Sway by The Rolling Stones. What time is it? Oh nice. Brb.

You may know me from the SYFFAL football panel. I pick NFL games, and some of you have lost a lot of money because of me. But don't worry. I GOT A HOT TIP ON TENNESSEE.

You may also know me from SYFFAL's Question of The Day sponsored by Pig Food Records. I have a question: why are there speed cameras aimed at roads filled with potholes?

No? Brown hair, rugged build, eyes like a falling leaf? Fuck it. I'm also the guy on Facebook who has funny updates. This is for two reasons: I am funny and I have no life.

Nicolas Heller is a music video director from New York City. In 2010, Heller founded the production company Ricky Shabazz and the Boom Bap Boys. Since then he has made countless music videos from artists such as Reks, Murs, RA the Rugged Man, C-Rayz Walz, Soul Khan and many more. He hopes to someday meet Danny Glover.

Writer, piss ant, truth addict. Hates self-absorbed assholes that tag the "Jr." moniker to their birth name, but refuses to let his pops catch anymore flack for his ill-spent time on earth. Loves long weekends on a bender, avoiding the sun, and dreaming of the day that marijuana finally puts Pfizer out of business. *tear Oh yeah... and he can fix your computer on the cheap too! Though not great at anything, he's probably better than you... a jackass of all trades.

People like to call me a music snob.  I'm just fine with that. I usually respond by saying, having better taste in music than you is your problem not mine.  I like to think of myself as a combination of William Miller meets Rob Gordon (from Nick Hornby's High Fidelity). From a young age I used mixtapes to express my emotions to girls because let's face it, I was one giant wuss and musicians could tell girls what I thought about them better than I could.  I still make music compilations, only now it's on cd's and it's not wasted on girls anymore its for people who know what good music is.  I'm from Boston, so yeah you have to deal with me being a Sox, Pats, and Celtics fan, call it a fair trade for your crappy taste in music.  And you're welcome in advance for brightening your horizons.
 

Sometimes, from great adversity comes great and momentous results. Likewise, a slovenly life of creature comforts and materialism often brings half-assed results. Such is the case of Reggie "Reggie" Hancock, born to a carpetbagging oil tycoon and a dilettante cotton heiress at the turn of the twentieth century. Bright beyond his years, Reggie studied Phrenology and Alienism at the University for Male White Persons in Skokee, Massachusetts when he was but thirty-three years old. When World War II rolled around, Reggie was able to trick the draft board by filling out the wrong birth date on his application form; he claimed to be born thirty years into the future and was summarily rejected. A bunch of other stuff happened, and eventually Reggie would get the battery-operated Omega Supreme transformable city, which had to be mail-ordered from Hasbro and cost a lot of money for the time. This would prove to be the pinnacle of his existence.

Photographer. Videographer. Filmmaker. Media Assassin. Lens Crafter. Buffalo Wing Executioner Born in The Metro... Went to school and grew up there... Went to University of Dayton... Graduated in 4 yrs... Got degree, but no job for long time... So, start own bizness Oct. '04... Me shoot photos and videos for big name artist(s)... Me go to lots of shows and out of town frequently... Contrary to popular belief, Im White... Me, and my name are Irish as Jameson, but I'm basically a Euro-Mutt.

Miss Cleo is my aunt. That makes me psychic. Proof of my psychicness: I know that, at present, you’re reading these words. But, let me impress you even more—I too know why you’re reading these words, and no, it’s not owing to my dashing good looks, perfectly tailored, ultra custom, very rare, imported, Italian attire, or my pure platinum tie clamp. You’re reading this because my name drew you in. Scrill Kosby. You’re wondering, “Who names their child ‘Scrill Kosby?!?’” Rest assured, my friends, I expected the wonderment. And rest assured, once more, I shall answer: "Scrill Kosby" is solely a pen name. To be quite honest, my parents actually named me "Darles Chickens" (they’re farmers with literary leanings). Soooo—the "Scrill Kosby" name is just a name, no more, and certainly no less. Google it, and you’ll find my lengthy criminal record, along with an array of ridiculously lewd, yet ultra-magnetic, videos of my statuesque figure, “performing,” in the buff. Thank you for reading my profile. (I hope I adequately covered up the fact that I’m only SYFALLING as a platform for my blossoming career as an adult actor.) [Don’t post that last sentence, Tim & Joel]

Standing 5' 10", with chiseled features and porcelain skin, Marissa rose to prominence as a fashion model. In 1965 she met Rolling Stones guitarist Brian Jones and recorded her first single, "I'm Not Sayin'"/"The Last Mile,” produced by Jimmy Page. She was then introduced to Bob Dylan, who wrote the song "I'll Keep It with Mine" for her shortly thereafter, which she recorded for her first album, Chelsea Girl. When Warhol began managing The Velvet Underground he proposed that the group take on Marissa as a "chanteuse." (EDITORS NOTE: The above bio is actually of Nico, not Marissa R. Moss, and adapted from Wikipedia. Marissa lives in New York City, writes more about music than actually playing it, and has much, much less impressive bangs.) Find her at marissarmossonline.com

Born and raised in middle-class, suburban New Jersey, though it was not as fun as most Bruce Springsteen lyrics might imply.

Graduated from college in 2003 with a communications degree and decided to move to Belgrade, Serbia – partly because my family is originally from there and I had visited the city almost every summer of my life and had grown fond of it, but mostly because I enjoy nothing more than a jar of homemade marmalade and the company of a Gypsy hooker of questionable gender.

I have been an avid fan of music since early childhood, a bass player since the 7th grade.

I have an encyclopedic knowledge of most things heavy metal, though I specialize in micro-genres that few people are interested in, such as mid-to-late 90s progressive metal (mostly mediocre Dream Theater, Fates Warning and Queensryche clones).

I have a dog named Cosby and yes, I named him Cosby because he’s black.

keen is a rap master and apparently also a blogger and the 3rd daughter son of Joel. She lives in Venice Beach where she consumes copious amounts of marijuana, gets petted by white people and lols at the ocean. You can find her at thekeenone.tumblr.com. If you find her anywhere else, please contact the address on her medic alert bracelet.

Andre Abramowitz was born and raised in the Queen Borough and currently lives in Washington Heights. A 35 year old former guitarist in a Grindcore band with a huge following amongst lepers and the mentally retarded, Andre listens to music far better than he plays it. When he's not spreading the gospel of good tunes, he can be found writing obsessively about baseball, cooking Latin cuisine, planning for the collapse of modern civilization and working as a freelance grip and set builder.

Vital Statistics

Age: Timeless..(in Jesus time, it's 27)
Heritage: ATL via Ghana
Likes: Rock/Hip-Hop/your mom
Dislikes: your mom
Gets Rocks Off: instrumentation
Hates: Hitler(homey was a jerk)
Wishes: You'd quit reading what he's wishing about and mind ur own business
Awesome: Yes

Cook, semi DJ, artist, sleep deprived and over all dickhead can be described when trying to sum me up. All of these descriptions are accurate.

I feel Jamaican with a caravan of kids when I work some days but the cooler full of beers, cable, and online porn get me through the few precious minutes I have free.

A Chicago Native by way of Seoul, I've been an avid supporter of the Hip Hop scene in Chicago and have always had a keen ear for all varieties of music.

I have no idea why I talk so much shit, but its the one thing right that I've been doing all of my life.