About Syffal.com

Contrary to popular belief, Joel Frieders isn't a pygmy. Fourteen stables and purple salmon, ring around the rosey never felt so contingent on Reggie's erect pinky while sipping the nectar of the gods you call Five Alive. Whereforart thou riches stain my Guiness glasses in participatory malfiecence and rudebwoi cross colors clothing. Bigger than the beatles, bigger than breast implants, bigger than guns, bigger than cigarettes.

Love,
Dad

As I begin to get older I get more obsessive compulsive about my music. I thought this stage of my life was supposed to end when I was hanging Dave Matthews posters on my dorm room wall back in the late 90s, but college just made it worse. I actually got a minor in music, but it was really a minor in the history of Rock & Roll and it shouldn't have counted toward a degree. Other than transforming me into a music junkie college prepared me for the real world of Trivial Pursuit. I don't want to brag, but I'm somewhat of an expert when it come to pink pie pieces. As I begin my 30's I only have a couple of friends who actively pursue music that I constantly annoy with my 'find of the week.' I also have perfectly proportioned toes, enjoy guilty pleasures, and completely adore Brian Wilson... You know, that Barenaked Ladies song.

Growing up my entire family had huge boners for Billy Joel. I never understood it. (Mind you I was rocking out to Snap's "The Power" at the time so who was I to judge) Four sisters, a twin brother, and a Dad who ALL owned Billy Joel's "Greatest Hits". Some had it in the tape format, others had made the leap to the new and exciting world of cds...but they ALL had it. Crazy. Why have SIX copies of the same craptastic album under one roof? I could not be like them! At the tender age of twelve I realized I would need to follow my own Joel-less musical path. I had to. It was my destiny. I packed my bags and left. I would be the David Carradine of musical "Kung Fu". Wandering the earth, making sure wherever I went it would be a "Piano Man" Free zone. I've followed that mantra from then to today... and now I bring it to you.

Brandon Backhaus has been asleep at the wheel for a decade. He just woke up smashed in a roadside ditch surrounded my empty Mike's Hard Lemonade bottles, and Ragga Jungle mixtapes. And after taking stock, has decided to hitchhike back to life, pausing only to belt out the occasional, "It's the Final Countdown", masturbate, and be mouth-raped by Cap't Crunch.

They say Rock and Roll is a young man's game. When I turned 27, my grandmother's response was, "That's not young". What does that mean now that I am pushing 40? My wife thinks that my friends and I sitting around listening to music is juvenile (ok, maybe she not just talking about the music listening). I live and work in northern Westchester County, NY among lots of lawyers and investment bankers. I have a bunch of kids and pets, I coach youth teams, I go to couples dinners. No, I am not Kevin Spacey in "American Beauty" - there are no teenage cheerleaders trying to bed me and Ricky Fitts isn't trying to sell me weed for $2000 a baggie. I like my cliched suburban life. But, everybody needs something. Music is my book club, poker night, softball league and mah jong circle. I don't have a lot of time to listen every week, so I count on a lot of different filters (friends, podcasts, blogs, magazines) to guide golden musical nuggets to my pan. We spend our life being sifted through filters, and sifting the non-stop barrage of information coming at us. Each week, I'll let you know what album my filters let through. Despite my slide into middle age, I am trying to not go gentle into that good night. Who know, maybe there's still time to be Bill Graham (pictured)? If not, at least I can pretend to be Lester Bangs.

After turning down several requests to take Matt Taibbi’s job at Rolling Stone as a PAID political columnist, Brent reluctantly took on a role at SYFFAL in 2012. His taste in music is extremely limited (and shitty), but he’s great at sounding like he actually knows what the Fuck he’s talking about. If you’re in need of reactionary opinions on anything, he’s your guy. He is under the same impression as Richard Ashcroft when it comes to Tabby cats, as they are harbingers of the devil. He was also raised ala Tiger Woods to become a professional bowler since the age of 7, but gave all that up for weed when he was 16 and hasn’t looked back since. His favorite car is a 1987 Toyota Tercel hatchback (any color) and he lives with his mom in a crappy duplex.

I won't say Will got this job because his dad works here, but I won't not say it. An active member of the collective Fameless Fam, Will just moved to Brooklyn where he checks the mail daily for his greencard and prepares for Halloween.

Will also contributes a segment with Ricky Shabazz called "The Produce Section" to The Cluster Mag x 2DopeBoyz.

@FamelessVirtue

Chalk it up to having never having been around to see Eddie Murphy say "Fuck" or perhaps missing out on Metallica before they cut their hair, but since the tender age of thirteen, Dick has a raging bone to pick with his fetid, Midwestern peers. With what little spare time he has left, Dick enjoys fine cooking, blast beats, strong women, and early Wu-Tang Clan. One time Dick fell into running river during the winter when he was a child. Dick really thinks dirt bikes reached the apex of coolness in the mid-1980s. Dick's favorite movie is Terminator 2. Dick Dick Dick.

Brendan Ryan is a full time student and a part time shortstop for the St. Louis Cardinals. He is barely literate, asleep during daylight hours, and a fan of all things Manilow. When traveling abroad he tells people he is friends with Michael Jordan. And at 2:12 every day we will listen to Sway by The Rolling Stones. What time is it? Oh nice. Brb.

 midwest transplant
operates with the sun
despises capital letters
walks far too fast
veggie lover
can't pass up a garage sale or dance floor
starts every morning with a yerba mate tea
wants to take your picture

People like to call me a music snob.  I'm just fine with that. I usually respond by saying, having better taste in music than you is your problem not mine.  I like to think of myself as a combination of William Miller meets Rob Gordon (from Nick Hornby's High Fidelity). From a young age I used mixtapes to express my emotions to girls because let's face it, I was one giant wuss and musicians could tell girls what I thought about them better than I could.  I still make music compilations, only now it's on cd's and it's not wasted on girls anymore its for people who know what good music is.  I'm from Boston, so yeah you have to deal with me being a Sox, Pats, and Celtics fan, call it a fair trade for your crappy taste in music.  And you're welcome in advance for brightening your horizons.
 

Photographer. Videographer. Filmmaker. Media Assassin. Lens Crafter. Buffalo Wing Executioner Born in The Metro... Went to school and grew up there... Went to University of Dayton... Graduated in 4 yrs... Got degree, but no job for long time... So, start own bizness Oct. '04... Me shoot photos and videos for big name artist(s)... Me go to lots of shows and out of town frequently... Contrary to popular belief, Im White... Me, and my name are Irish as Jameson, but I'm basically a Euro-Mutt.

Miss Cleo is my aunt. That makes me psychic. Proof of my psychicness: I know that, at present, you’re reading these words. But, let me impress you even more—I too know why you’re reading these words, and no, it’s not owing to my dashing good looks, perfectly tailored, ultra custom, very rare, imported, Italian attire, or my pure platinum tie clamp. You’re reading this because my name drew you in. Scrill Kosby. You’re wondering, “Who names their child ‘Scrill Kosby?!?’” Rest assured, my friends, I expected the wonderment. And rest assured, once more, I shall answer: "Scrill Kosby" is solely a pen name. To be quite honest, my parents actually named me "Darles Chickens" (they’re farmers with literary leanings). Soooo—the "Scrill Kosby" name is just a name, no more, and certainly no less. Google it, and you’ll find my lengthy criminal record, along with an array of ridiculously lewd, yet ultra-magnetic, videos of my statuesque figure, “performing,” in the buff. Thank you for reading my profile. (I hope I adequately covered up the fact that I’m only SYFALLING as a platform for my blossoming career as an adult actor.) [Don’t post that last sentence, Tim & Joel]

Dave Metz only gives a Fuck about two things: pornography and gun control. He is perhaps best known for being kicked out of the original cast of Tyler Perry's House of Payne, after the infamous "AIDS Incident." Also known by his initials MJ, he is a professional basketball player, entrepreneur and majority owner of the Charlotte Bobcats.

His favorite color is purple.

When not writing for SYFFAL, Dave enjoys traveling, hiking, and impersonating DMX on OK Cupid.

K is not just another pretty face with a nice rack. She is pretty face with a nice rack AND killer taste in music. This closet geek craves good music like a heroin addict craves dirty, unsterilized needles. She loves music so much that she couldn't contain that passion within herself, she had to share it with the world. So now she spends her free time, from working as a editor and stay-at-home mom, by writing about the best music this world has to offer. Her only disclaimer? Boom goes the dynamite.

My stupid name is Aaron Sarles.

Here's a bio of my stupid life, in the third person, painfully: Aaron is just sexy enough for words, which is why he writes things. He enjoys music to the point that his first girlfriend was a stereo system. He never figured out how to make love to her before she dumped him. It's a subject that still brings him to tears, so you should avoid bringing it up if at all possible.