Articles

Why am I writing another One Song when we retired the feature last week? Well, technically that was the group version of One Song. We still plan on keeping the feature but in a non-group setting. It will be a little more intimate...a little more personal...and we won't have to shout over Joel's loud 'fucking-fuckity-fuck-fuck sentences.' Whenever we have the need to talk about a single song..that isn't new, but still kicks ass....we will use this format. Soooooo, I'm going to talk about Frank Zappa's legendary Black Page and tell you a little story about a kid named Steve Vai. It's not too well known that Steve Vai got his major break with Frank Zappa. Sure Vai, a student of Joe Satriani, is a fucking incredible guitar player but his knowledge of music theory and ability to...

SYFFAL receives a shitload of music on a daily basis. That isn't us bragging, it's just the nature of the yeast bro. What we've done over the past three years is try to insert some sense of fucking logic into the decisions you fuckers make when it comes to getting your name out there for blogs that are a bigtittytruckload more important than us coozewafers. We keep throwing you assdicks bones, but some of you shitswallowers haven't heard the fucking news bro. Here is a quick rundown on some previously potentially positive position papers we have given you to make you less of a fucking hosebeast and more of a, say, band we actually fucking listen to: We crafted a profane and verbally abusive missive on the proper way to submit music to blogs.  We told you what things you were doing to...

We might have actually started this series with the hopes that someone would have the stones to cover the legendary Teen Witch Rap which has become the thing of internet legend and recently even to its very own feature on the Grantland Network's Rembert Explains. Most rappers were either too afraid, to serious, or to rappery (read: lazy) to get this fucker done. Thank god for the good folks at Pig Food Records. Giant Gorilla Dog Thing aka GGDT which consists of rappers Dez and Dood Computer linked up with super producer and cabbie hat champion of the world PJ Katz to tackle this monster, pin it down, and stuff it so we could display it proudly in the SYFFALSTUDY. America and the world have these sensual bags of meat sauce to thank for such an inspiring feat. I love you pricks. Tim GGDT (...

I'm pissed off motherfuckers. All of you talented and not so talented (I'm looking at you Ireland) musicians and artists out there are fucking up. And it's not like I'm shitting on your music right now, that shit might suck fucking cock, but I'm talking about something as sim-fucking-ple as you PUTTING YOUR GODDAMN NAME ON YOUR GODDAMN MUSIC for fuck's sake. If I had a blowjob for as many times I unzip an album from a fucking band that hasn't been properly tagged, I would have a pruned fucking pecker goddamnit. What the fuck is wrong with you shitdicks? If you want someone to fucking listen to, potentially enjoy and then fucking talk about your fucking music, FUCKING PUT YOUR NAME ON IT FOR FUCK'S SAKE YOU TITTYSHITTING SHIT TITS. I realize that some of you are internally saying "fuck...

Who the fuck told me about Phox? Was it Jeremy? Fuck Jeremy. Holy shit, it's Imogen Heap and Beth Orton and Feist and that chick from Frente all rolled into one chick, but completely lacking in any of the annoying habits those all seem to have after years of loving them from outside their respective bathroom windows. Seriously, this broad's voice is simply fucking gorgeous. Jesus Christ simultaneously cooking an amazing risotto and developing abstract photography from a late 50s Russian spy camera, I would seriously kidnap this voice. If it was just the voice that cups my healthily gargantuan nuts, I might be done drooling, but you gotta hear this fucking band. During the last minute or so of the track Sister, there is such amazing shit going on that me trying to describe it would take...

Well we are officially at the halfway point which means that it is time for another installment of our top albums of the quarter list. As always we will be discussing albums that dropped during this particularl 3 month span and as far as 3 month spans go, well this fucker was tasty as shit. Plenty of wonderful albums were released, a few that may very well be considered classics by whatever species takes over after we are gone. It is a god damned exciting time to be a music fan and an obsessive. This time around we include contributions from our two newest contributors, the internet mystery man known only as Employee and one K. Love Eckstadt which I assume is a made up name by a member of a wiccan cult. Since we last spoke Joel has opted for voluntary sterilization much to the relief of...

Sometimes people send us music. Sometimes people send us fucking jesus christ I want to kill myself with a bunk of treated lumber and a sack of fermented soy, and then sometimes it's pure fucking hell yeah and all I want to do is run around my backyard with a beach towel as a cape and a mask made of bacon concealing only my hazel eyeballz. Of course we don't condone the public or private shitting on creative peoples, so we tend to let those that don't strike our fancy fanny packed fancies fall by the wayside instead of sharing our disdain with anyone. So sometimes it's hard accepting music as a cold call from a salesman/musician, as our intent isn't to insult or put down. But then you get bands like Brightest Color dropping a simple "hey, here's our bandcamp link bro bro" and after the...

Normally if and when someone asks me to check out their boyfriend's music I usually run straight for the fucking hills. Nine out of ten times the album will be a complete turdfest and then you're put in the awkward position of having to find some small throwaway compliment (I loved the way he used handclaps in that one song") to shoot back at this lovelorn girl who sees her dude as the next Bon Iver. He might have a beard and live in a snowy cabin but he is no Justin Vernon. Please stop sharing his album with people. If this dude REALLY cared for you he'd ask you not to spread his sad sounds around town. Nine out of ten times it is a total shit show. Then there's that one. That one fucking magical time when the girlfriend isn't wearing rose colored glasses and panties. Calvin Love's ...

Yes, I'm complaining. Yes, I'm a whiny bitch who can't stand the fact that bands and artists that I come in contact with at some point are doing things that bug the shit out of me. Things that aren't necessarily wrong in any actual way, but things that I see as being annoying and pointless, but to put it simply, in my asshole opinion, completely fucking wrong. Yes, you bands and artists and rappers and producers are doing it wrong. And not only do I find this shit annoyingly and pointlessly wrong, I think you fuckers are doing yourselves a disservice by doing what you've always done, what every other band does or what you assume people want. So here we go, 5 things you're fucking up on you asshole bands, rappers and pooflingers who call themselves musicians: 1. Your albums are too fucking...

I've stressed about getting my vas defrens snipped ever since the doctors told us we were having twins. I knew it would come to this, and I knew I would be apprehensive, but I don't see any other way of making sure that in the next five or six years I get to fucking sleep by myself for more than three hours at a time. People joke about kids being oh so cute but their super power is not allowing you to sleep, and they're absolutely fucking correct, kids are assholes after 9pm. So after much soul searching (I'm kidding), I decided to take the snip snip and move the fuck on. On May 2nd, 2012, I shall have a vasectomy and after 20 or so ejaculations, I will lose my ability to impregnate my wife with one milliliter of precum. Due to my ferocious musical OCD, I have compiled a list of songs...