Our Interview with Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire

I spent a lot of time in the New York City hip hop scene. Dating all the way back to 1995, when I performed at the All That and Words open mic nights at the Nuyorican Poets café. I have thrown shows, performed at more venues than I care to remember, many of which have long since vanished off the urban landscape. I used to rap in the parks, on the streets, in front of Fat Beats. I was involved with the music and the scene of a good 14 years.

It is one of the main reasons I try to not write about rap. I am much more interested in pursuing other avenues and artists. Rap is sort of like old friends. I love seeing them when I see them, but I would much rather spend time with my kids and people that I share common interests with now.

Every now and then, I am forced to come out of my self-imposed rap exile because there is someone so new and interesting that it strikes a chord in me. A chord I thought long gone, but one that takes me back to the feeling and energy I felt when I was coming and discovering exciting new artists with interesting and fresh approaches to the music. The energy pulls me back in.

Mr. Muthafuckin eXquire's video for Huzzah recently grabbed me by my oversized novelty lapels and launched me headlong into his world. This dude is exciting, skilled, and original. He dares to create his own world, and it is a god damn intriguing world, especially in a sea of rappers who have been doing the same shit that people were doing 15 years ago. It is the music of people like Mr. Muthafuckin eXquire that inspire me to dream of a day when rap music doesn't totally suck and we aren't forced to make excuses and lower our standards to have something new to listen too. In short, this muthafucker is ill.

SYFFAL: Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire I have recently taken a vow of illiteracy as part of my attempt to re-virginize myself, and therefore have not read anything about you, so please tell us who you are, what you do and your favorite flavor of international coffees to snuggle up with a good book in front of the fire with?

Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire: I'm just an ordinary nigga from Brooklyn who does extraordinary things, I wouldn't say I grew up any different from anybody else in my environment, I seen the typical shit niggas see growing up in Brooklyn. Guns, Drugs, Violence, Blah, Blah, Blah... Part of me absorbed that shit and part of me decided to see what the world had to offer outside of that. I'm a rapper... no frill's, I'm not a singer/rapper or wizard or whatever the fuck dudes doing with themselves now. I'm just a fucking rapper... and I don't drink coffee, I drink Liquor...

SYFFAL: Your style is refreshing as a kick in the balls from a high priced dominatrix named Kat Tastrophy McCoy, how would you describe your style and which starlet of the 1990s is it most likely to date?

Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire: My style is brutally honest, abstract, yet at the same time practical. I probably say some shit that I shouldn't and I'm fine with that... I don't think art is suppose to be safe, I think art is suppose to always flip itself on its side over and over again, with that being said, I think my style would fuck Ebony Ayes cause she had some big black tittay's...

SYFFAL: I read somewhere that Jamie Foxx makes love while listening to his own music, using this approach which song of yours are you most like to make love on a lady while listening too?

Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire: I don't make love, I fuck... making love for niggas who want babies... and I would rather rap whilst fucking than listen to my own shit...

SYFFAL: I notice you have a fondness for underground NYC production, using beats from the likes of Doom, Necro, and Def Jux. Were these acts influential in your style and are you comfortable with the oncoming influx of chubby 30 something rap fanatics that are going to call you their savior? If so, I think you are the savior.

Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire: I'm from NYC and I'm Underground, I'm proud to be Underground, D.I.T.C was underground, Cormega is underground, Jay-Z at a time was considered underground. I just hate the fact that being underground has turned into newspeak for being a cornball... Doom and Def Jux owned my soul for a while, but I wouldn't say they we're any more or less an influence on my style as Beanie Sigel or Redman. I really never had a filter on what I would listen to. One of my favorite albums is Hot Boys "Guerilla Warfare"... I just like what I relate to... I'm hearing I'm the savior a lot now, it doesn't bother me, but I just think to myself "what the fuck am I saving?"

SYFFAL: Would you rather do a track with Scaramenga aka Sir Menelink or Breezly Brewin? and what would the title of each track be?

Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire: I would do a song with all of them a posse cut, the title of the song would be "I Don't Know Who The Fuck These People Are".

SYFFAL: How do you not know who they are? If your music was a 1980s Buddy cop film which one would it be and which song would be the angry Sgt that is always threatening to take away their badge and guns?

Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire: I almost feel obligated to say "Night Hawks" and if you're a true underground head you know why... I got a song called "Lou Ferrigno's MAD" I think that shit would yell at me if it had its own vocal chords...

SYFFAL: I think I am picking up what you are putting down. Are you still writing about me in your dream journal?

Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire: It's not a journal it's a hit list...

SYFFAL: Good thing I moved to the hills of Montana then. I understand you have a new mix-tape dropping, please tell us a little about it, any guests, who handles production, etc.

Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire: Yup, it's called "Lost In Translation", the inspiration behind it, is the different situations, I had to navigate to create my own foundation, thru out my trials and tribulations, and masturbations, I was facing because my girl was going thru her menstruation. Ummmm it's about my life and my inability to be do anything the way it's "supposed" to be done. Maybe I'm lost in translation or maybe my message is we'll just have to wait and see. My niggas are the only features; we get drunk and make songs... the beats? I stole most of them... whatever....

SYFFAL: I plan to use my rather powerful influence in this here Jew run media to spread a rumor about you and your new release, and because I like you so much I will let you pick one of the following:
a. Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire used to date Raven Simone but left her after a hot date with Katie Couric
b. Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire can be seen as an extra dancing in the prom scene from Footloose.
c. Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire is more commonly known by his government name, Moby.
d. Other...you can make up your own.
Please pick one and let us know why you picked this option.

Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire: a) Raven Simone is caked up and she lost all that weight I wanna fuck her anyway so maybe that rumor will put me on her radar... Katie Couric seems like she's into rappers so I'd bring her to the projects and fuck her on the roof... and scream "Westside" when I nut.

SYFFAL: Every give yourself a stranger? Ever give on to someone else?

Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire: I spit on this gay ass question...

SYFFAL: Hey that's the kind of talk that got Tracy Morgan in trouble. What would it take to get you to come over and cipher with me and my friends? I should let you know that my friends are all in their late 30s, really into the didgeridoo and have those big gauge style earrings that make their ears look like the holes the curtain rod goes through.

Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire: Some liquor and some beats I'm there, but after your last question I'm not too sure if I can hang out with ya'll dude's...

Word Association:

SYFFAL: Jimi Hendtwix

Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire: Chocolate

SYFFAL: The Daily Bro with Jon Stewart

Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire: White People

SYFFAL: Bossa Nova

Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire: Extreme Championship Wrestling

SYFFAL: See Dee from What's Happening?

Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire: D.C from happening what's

SYFFAL: Bed Bath and the great beyond

Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire: Spock

SYFFAL: Miller Twilight

Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire: Reggie Miller as a vampire...that somehow sparkles in the sun.

SYFFAL: Food trucks that sell knishes

Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire: It's been awhile...

SYFFAL: Create an age old axiom about yourself in the vein of "the bigger the cushion, the better the pushin"

Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire: "the gayer the question, the worser the whuppin."

SYFFAL: How was that gay? Please create 4 bars of greatness using the following: Amy Poehler, Craft Beers, Russian immigrants and alternate side of the street parking...GO!

Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire: I got to wiki Amy Poehler, Cause I don't know her, But whoever she is I'd sure like to Pole Her, Pour some Craft Beer on her Rear, My manager's from Russia, but he wear Dunk's and Levi's like he from here, Fuck Parking, I ain't had dough in year's, owe a couple ticket's but I'm too broke to care...

SYFFAL: Well that was masterful. Anything you would like to promote?

Mr. Muthafuckin' eXquire: My Brand... cause eXquire is a brand; I just learned how cool the word brand is by the way. Find me and my brand on donteatmymind.tumblr.com