Violent Bullsh!t - Adult Problems

By: Tim Baker

Bro, I am old as shit.

I will be the first to admit that I am probably closer to death than I am to birth. I have been out of high school longer than I was in school (and I fucking graduated college bro!). Yeah I get it, though when I look in the mirror and see a vibrant youngster with the good looks of the guy who played Robocop and a taut scrotum; the reality is that my ball skin is mad loose and the kids all laugh at me when I yell at them about walking on my lawn.

Still, I like to feel young and beautiful, who the Fuck doesn’t? Well with the exception of those people that ugly themselves up a little extra in a feeble attempt to opt out of humanities vein obsession with beauty, and Tom, who is a fucking handsome son of a bitch.

Now, thanks to Adult Problems by Violent Bullshit I get to feel young, vibrant and like it is still cool if I break 40 ounce bottles in the street. Adult Problems is 13 minutes that kicks the shit out of you, leaves you bloodied and with a torn shirt, and a shit ton of bro hugs. I fucking love it. Fast, aggressive, furious, and in the cut; Violent Bullshit have captured the sound of a day gone by and manage to make it vital and current.

In a lot of ways it sounds like the love child of EYEHATEGOD, Nuclear Assault, the Circle Jerks. The riffs are catchy as shit, in the way that Scott Ian’s early SOD riffs were, the type of thing that immediately gives you goose bumps and a bit of chub.

I have spent more nights than I care to remember driving back from my parents with my 2 year old sleeping in the back seat while playing Adult Problems just quiet enough that she won’t wake up and just loud enough that I can still get all tits out to it. If you ever see me on Fort Hamilton Parkway and it looks like I am beating the shit out of the steering wheel while in the midst of an epileptic seizure worry not, because I am just listening to Violent Bullshit.

Tracks like Theme Song, Getaway, Insanity, Theater Sports, Pot Friend and Stupid make me want to break shit. I don’t care what, just random shit. I want to put my fist through something. Usually I get so worked up that I just walk my dogs and sort of skip down the block like a glam rock princess with a ball sack full of sass and caramels.

I like to close my eyes when I listen to 1982, Toshi Brains, We Don’t Like You, Read & Write, Seattle Fuck Off and My Band Just Doesn’t Understand Me and remember my trip to the Jersey Shore with Dr. Jim and Mikey D, right after high school, when I bought a Gorilla Biscuits shirt because I’ll be god damned if wearing that shirt to college on the very first day wasn’t the apex of my cool, and these songs being that feeling back in spades. SPADES BRO!

And Super Party, well Super Party might be the best song I have ever heard.

I love the shit out of these pricks.