Old Yeller'd: Umphrey's McGee

As you may or may not know, I've had a few bouts with myself and jam bands. I grew up a hip hop kid and detested everything else for YEARS. Then I got into jazz and that seemed to open Pandora's Box. Pandora's Box included nag champa incense, long-ish hair, drugs, questionable "friends", loose hippie chicks, and hundreds of ticket stubs. I begrudgingly got into Phish via my best friend Nathan, and then a whole list of second-tier jam bands, or as they would prefer to be referred to as, "improvisational rock" bands.

I actually gravitated to this music because I drew parallels in it to hip hop. This may sound far-fetched, but really, it isn't. I loved the improvisational aspects of neo-hippie music, just like with freestyling, scratching records or b-boying... no matter how fucking awesome or fucking horrible that 10 minute jam was, it had a little something on it. When you're up there playing your shit, and decide right then and there that you're going to improvise a seamless transition into the next song, I'm sorry, but I gotta give credit where credit is due. I related to it as a DJ (ahem... turntablist, technically. You can train a monkey to stand there and play records for people) as it was just like blending two records together on a mix tape. Some were better than others, of course, both the jams and the bands, and one that stood out from the rest was a horribly named band called Umphrey's McGee.

I first saw them in 2000 and was pretty blown away. They weren't polished, but had the rawest, grittiest talent that neither I, nor a shitload of my friends, had ever seen. They were more progressive than Phish. They were more metal than Phish. And they shat all over Dave Matthews in every single way... they weren't even in the same ballpark. They could play absolutely anything with little to no effort at all. There were (and still are) six members of the band and I can honestly say that they're all fucking geniuses. I saw them right around 100 times between 2000 and 2005 and left with my jaw on the floor a majority of the time, typically shaking my head in disbelief on my way out of the venue. I even sat in with them twice, once on New Years Eve, which was about the scariest moment of my life. They did things that no other band I had seen or heard of, either before or since, has ever done.... which is why this is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you, old fella.

Around 2001, only a few years after the band had been together, they developed this method of improvisation that actually resulted in them composing music on stage instead of just coming to the consensus that they were going to "jam out" the end of the song in say... G minor, until the crowd started looking bored after several minutes. One of the lead guitarists (they have two, both Jedi Knights) would usually lead the rest of the band through a few different movements using hand-signs and gestures as musical cues... kind of like a third base coach. It was really amazing to watch... over and over again, a hundred times, three hour show after three hour show, for five years straight.

They had this rabid-ass fanbase and a fan-run message board that connected me to people all over the country who I wouldn't have met otherwise. Some were the greatest people in the world, but a good chunk of them were less than desirable... possibly myself included. In a short amount of time, it turned into this massive social scene, which at the time seemed like the most fun you could ever have, and it was, for a little while. So-and-so was coming into town from Colorado for the Riviera show with the fresh homegrown nuggets, that hippie chick from Indy was always selling mushroom chocolates, and the girls were more than willing to be liberal with their faginahs.

After a while, the music started to change, I had the worst experience I've had thus far with dating while living with a girl I met in the backseat of a car on the way to a show one summer day, and I then got bored. The band gained some mediocre commercial success after getting regular radio play in Chicago. They even performed on Jimmy Kimmel, but with Huey fucking Lewis. Now... nothing against Huey, but what the Fuck were they on when they thought that was a good look for a super progressive improv rock band to be playing old-timey boring rock/blues songs with Huey's old ass on harmonica? Yeah, it's cool that other famous musicians admire your talent, but that doesn't mean you have to put out a few snoozer albums with WAAAY too many attempts at really bad pop songs, change your image (whether unintentional or not), and pander to the trust fund Fucks who blow you for laminated passes and gas you up over every new shitbomb you drop. I understand the progression of an artist, and that you have to change so you don't get bored, but that doesn't mean you have to start attempting to cater to a broader audience after kicking ass for several years with all the momentum in the world. Especially when you're making a killing touring the country blowing kids minds and giving the snobbiest of hippie assholes a reason to doubt their idea that Phish or the Dead were the greatest band ever assembled. It isn't like they lost their incredible musical talent, they just lost "it" for me, whatever that was in the first place.

I broke up with the girl, said 'Fuck the scene' and remembered why I was there in the first place: the music. But the music was different now. Maybe it was just me, maybe the social scene ruined the musical experiences I was having at shows, who knows. All I know is that it didn't feel like it used to at one point and it was time to go, so I simply walked away. I got the occasional "yo, where the Fuck have you been" phone call, text or email, but didn't feel like responding. I had already moved on. I don't regret all those road trips, drunk, high nights crashing at strangers houses barely conscious after the show, but I'm not proud of it either. What was once supposed to be the next great rock band, jammy or not, turned out to be something different than what at least I had hoped for.

It was fun while it lasted, Umphrey's Mcgee, but after hearing Miami Virtue, I'm gonna have to put you down.

Ch-Ch... BLAU!!!

(teardrop)

Here's to the good ole days: