Man, I remember when I'd switch the channel every time EPSN started talking about golf. It's just like old times again. Except I'm on the internet so there's more typing involved in my complete disinterest in all things golf related.

Star Wars nerds are like abused wives. No matter how much shit they eat, they keep coming back at the slightest hint of anything new. I bet Star Wars tells them how much he loves theme very night, right after he smacks them across the face with a Jar Jar Binks doll.

Stealth destroyer sounds like a heavy metal band. However, you add a "Yung" to the front and you got the newest rap hero Yung Stealth Detroyah.

She's hot…but Rhode Island winning any beauty contest is kinda like Florida winning a "Miss Congeniality" award.

Maher looks like a Mets fan. I'm not even mad. Maybe he'll ban prayer in the clubhouse and shake shit up for everyone.

Johnny Depp is the only 50 year old who dresses like a homeless Charlie Chaplin/Aerosmith roadie who I'm pretty certain could Fuck every girl I know. Props?

Hey, guess what? Willie Likes weed. It's amazing he hasn't done a Cypress Hill collabo yet.

I love Rondo. He's the only likable Celtic and, even better, he looks like one of those Easter Island stone statues.

As much bad TV as I endure, I draw the line with these housewives shows. I wouldn't care but there are like 14 of them and I'm really not curious about the real housewives of the Ozarks.

Jesus Christ. Just let these gay people get married and shut the Fuck up about it. how is this still a thing? If it were up to me, we'd ban all marriage and I think a lot of people would be happier than they are now.