The Weekly Taint w/ Joel Frieders and Slug from Atmosphere: WinTainter: Have A Holly Jolly Milkshake of Buffalo Pancreatic Enzymes

Joel Frieders: Dear Sean,

I have missed our little internet meetings. I actually considered removing the skin where my tattoo of yo face is and hanging it above my computer monitor at work. I decided against it not out of fear of physical pain, but emotional in that I wouldn't want to let anyone else know that I have a tattoo of your face on my body somewheres. That's almost like toooo much informations for the peoples. Yous feel me?

Slug: Far out space nuts. Swashbuckles. I see you've been making good use of my time away.  grasshopportunist. Ease back. the rhythm, the rebel yell.  I missed you too jewel.

Joel Frieders: So we're back, me and you, you and me, us and we, and we're bidder than ever. Tell the people how bad ass we are.

Slug: Yall've been hit by, yall've been hit by, smooth criminals. Couple of bad bad daddies.

Joel Frieders: When people hate on how busy their life is with kid(s), they usually say "at least we don't have twins! apppfffft", but I can't in that situation because my balls created twins, awesome twins, incredible twins who can eat through a paycheck in a single blowout.
When these same people complain about their having to shovel 2 to 6 inches of show here in Chicago, they don't usually think to say "at least we don't live in Minnesota, appppffffft", but you can't in that situation because you're actually typing on a laptop iceputer under a hand-patted igloo made out of just the snow that blew in under your front door.

Slug: Clearly you've been to my house. This is bothersome to me.

Joel Frieders:  If snow was a guy, what would his name be and what the Fuck would you say to him with your erect pointer finger pointing pointedly into his pussy ass fucking chest?

Slug: His name would be Archie. He would be locking up his fixie. I would ask him how long he's been a deejay.

Joel Frieders: Sometimes, when I'm driving in the snow in my truck, or as I call him when we're alone "Truckles McBeep Beep", I like to slam on the gas just to see if I'll spin out. I made the mistake of doing this in the minivan while my wife was criticizing my driving while all three kids slept in the back on the way home from a Christmas family thing thing last weekend. She now thinks I have a desire to wreck my truck.
What would you tell my wife if you were me?

Slug: "We have twins so you ain't leaving me anytime soon. hand me a Miller High Life and enjoy the ride, hot mama."

Joel Frieders:  If you were me, what would you do with these huge ass motherfucking balls that you think I haven't already done with huge ass motherfucking balls like these?

Slug: Pop them.

Joel Frieders: I have this recurring holiday dream starring Brother Ali dressed as Santa. It's not like an intentionally offensive dream where I'm assuming his religious beliefs would be tainted by dressing in a secular type garb for the sake of a commercially saturated and previously pagan holiday, but I find the picture in my head to be quite jolly.
If Brother Ali was Santa, who would you pick to play his elves?
What would they wear that would set them apart from all the other pussy ass bitch ass elves you see prancing around shopping malls?
Would you ever consider piercing your chin like some of your fans do?

Slug: dude.

Joel Frieders: It's almost the end of the year, and the end of the year is a time for cleaning out your brain, house and closet of all the shit you won't need next year. What won't you need next year?
Can I give you my UPS account number and you ship that shit to me? Daycare costs are fucking killing me and I'm out of t-shirts in a bad way man.

Slug: I will ship you some shirts. No problem. Give me the UPS number.  Is it a personal account, or something registered to your place of work?

Joel Frieders: Slug, Sean, Mister Daley, what is the easiest way to tell someone Merry Christmas, Happy Jewish Christmas, or Happy Africa’s Christmas without relying on age old traditions like using your mouth, sending a greeting card, or writing a potentially offensive blog post?

Slug: Say it with a plant. Something non-poisonous to kids and pets. Weed.

Joel Frieders: Is there anything you would like your legions of loyal fans to know about you this Holiday season? Please start each sentence with "My people..." and end each sentence with "I have spoken."

Slug: I turned on my space heater for this.

Joel Frieders: What are your New Year’s resolutions besides the facial reconstruction to rid yourself of all of those smoker's wrinkles? Please start each sentence with "Yocheckit".

Slug: Quality living through better time management.

Joel Frieders: Sean, from all of us at SYFFAL.com, including Tim "I fucking hate health" Baker and his notoriously delicious bear hugs, Kyle "I can fit in a shoe" Baker, and myself Joel "My balls are famous on the internet" Frieders, we want to wish you and your family and everyone in RSE a Merry Motherfucking Holidays and we can't wait to see what horribly predictable music you'll try to unleash on us in 2011. Lord knows I'll pirate the fucking shit out of it.

Slug: Thanks champs. Back at yall tenfold.

Joel Frieders:  I love you. Don't ever fucking question that. (NOW YOU SAY IT! SAY IT!)