Brandon Bachus is a source of inspiration to us all. He’s survived life and overcame obstacles, borderline cankles, and luminous white skin that burns after 5 minutes in the sun. He also inspired the idea behind this week’s Syffalist with a simple Facebook post:
Can't find the remote to the Apple TV #firstworldprobz
You know what 1st world problems are, right? Like when your Jacuzzi is .5 degrees below the optimal temperature, or the leather seats in your car are making you sweaty. They are basically problems that we Americans complain about because we are whiny assholes.
I immediately thought to myself that this could be a perfect topic for a Syffalist, but I’ll concentrate on problems that plague your average music super fan. I shat out 10 problems and e-mailed the list to Brando to show him what he inspired. I immediately received a hilarious e-mail back from Brando with problems that plague third world music fans; we published both lists below. Enjoy.
1. No id3 tags? Fuck that; I'm deleting this shit.
2. The sound quality of this leaked album blows.
3. Pitchfork gave the M.I.A. album 8.9 stars? I must leave a douchey comment on their FB post to express my discontent.
4. That dub remix of Lana Del Ray's remix's remix made me an epileptic.
5. What the Fuck Pandora? Stop playing Iron and Wine. Are you on their payroll?
6. I know that I'm supposed to like Beach House, but I might hang myself if I listen to another swirling guitar pluck.
7. fucking Vevo ads.
8. Great....I can't like this song any more because it’s being used in a Volkswagen commercial.
9. Why doesn't this band use bandcamp?! Are they living in 2010???
10. Another rap album for SYFFAL's roundtable??
1. I can't hear the beat over the explosions
2. My favorite songwriters keep getting rounded up my roaming militias
3. That guitar solo IS the bomb
4. The lead singer looks like Jesus
5. Under those robes, those chicks are beastly bro
6. The free water at the last show gave me dysentery
7. The only headliner at the last festival was Beyonce
8. Kim Jong-un is a fan so we have to be
9. If I hear one more Narco Corrido, i swear...
10. How come Reggaeton hasn't totally taken over the world???