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Guns N' Roses - Chinese Democracy
SYFFAL Roundtable Record Reviews
As discussed in the previous roundtable entries, the roundtable is a place for us to discuss albums of a certain cultural significance. It can be a new and highly anticipated album from a new or established artist, or it can be a classic for which a traditional review would seem superfluous. Never before has there been an album in need of a roundtable discussion than the 20 year in the making offering Chinese Democracy from Axl Rose, or as he likes to call himself Guns N’ Roses, though the current manifestation of the band bears no resemblance to the greatest band of all time.
Chinese Democracy was released with a ton of fanfare and lofty expectations. Most people were sure that this was going to be the Spruce Goose of albums and Axl would play the role of Howard Hughes, while a few diehards still held out hope that their disgraced hero would make good. By most accounts it was neither a spectacular failure, nor a monumental success; it was just kind of ehh. After my initial listen when it was released some two and a half years ago I didn’t give it much thought. At least until I read a review from Chuck Klosterman which inspired me to give it another listen, I pitched the idea of round tabling it with the gang and they were in. This is what we have to say:
GNR - Brendan
Album Rating:
Brendan
What's the best track and why?
Chinese Democracy. I hate it slightly less than the other songs on the album.
I recommend listening to this record while...
Sitting in your garage, waiting for the exhaust fumes to take you.
While I listened to this record, I pictured...
All the drugs Axl should have been doing while making this album.
Anything else to add?
Use Your Illusion was the first album my parents ever confiscated. It came out 20 years ago. Fuck everything.
GNR - Del
Album Rating:
Del
What's the best track and why?
For many reasons the answer has to be There Was a Time. Fuck if this song isn't Axl's shout out to Slash. You know those crazy kids were MFEO. Catcher in the rye is pretty fucking sweet too.
I recommend listening to this record while...
Playing Rock Band. The guitars and drums are still there...they're not Slash or Matt Sorum...but they're there...um...doing stuff.
While I listened to this record, I pictured...
Dr. Dre pacing in a studio, rocking some Beatz headphones, well on year 10 of raps Chinese Democracy, Detox. Panic attack city, Population, Dre.
Anything else to add?
The longer we had to wait the lower our expectations became. Instead of hoping for another Appetite For Destruction we convinced ourselves we would be happy with another Spaghetti Incident. Fuck to tell you the truth I got to the point where I was hoping for an album full of songs that sounded like Oh My God. I'm not sure what we got, but Appetite was such an important album for me that I was willing to give Axl way more credit then he deserved for this album. For fuck's sake though do you really think that Appetite or Use your Illusion Axl would ever release an album exclusively @ Best Buy.
GNR - Dick
Album Rating:
Dick
What's the best track and why?
Riad N' the Bedouins with Better being a close second. Both tunes hark back to the days when everyone in the band was about 50lbs lighter and far more committed to rocking out, snarling and heroin.
I recommend listening to this record while...
Grooming your cat to get the layers of loose wintertime fur out of its coat. If you do not possess a cat and your local animal shelter is not open today for some reason, then you should probably just listen to this while riding a motorcycle westward into the sunset.
While I listened to this record, I pictured...
Axl Rose in the studio with his cornrows covered in sweat - trying to get each vocal take as close to perfection as humanly possible. I'm not even joking, that is literally the mental image I had.
Anything else to add?
This isn't a BAD record, per say, but putting the name of a band who had songs like My Michelle and November Rain on the cover seems to do more harm than good. It is actually quite decent if you consider the colossal tides of nu-metal and butt-rock in contemporary airplay.
GNR - Joel
Album Rating:
Joel
What's the best track and why?
Better. Such a great fucking chorus. I could imagine this being played right before the Use Your Illusion album dropped or soon after. Axl murders this. And while it shares the over-produced feel of much of the record, I think this fucking song is THE BADASSES. Many many badasses.
I recommend listening to this record while...
Heading to a state fair to shoot air rifles at red stars and hope to win yourself a RATT poster behind a piece of cheap glass with a cardboard border.
While I listened to this record, I pictured...
Myself remembering what it felt like to listen to Appetite. Then remembering what it felt like to have to choose sides between Axl and Slash. Slash always wins, but goddamnit, I love Axl too.
Anything else to add?
Axl is one of the greats, always will be, but damnit, being great also means you know when to shut the Fuck up. Also, this is probably the best known example of working on something too much for too long. You will never top your debut album, so stop trying. Evolving as a musician means taking chances. Axl took chances on this, but they weren't relevant after so many years of playing it for himself in private.
GNR - Roy
Album Rating:
Roy
What's the best track and why?
Chinese Democracy... because I can close my eyes & almost pretend to give a Fuck.
I recommend listening to this record while...
Guzzling Night Train around a bum fire.
While I listened to this record, I pictured...
Jerry Rice's disgraceful cornrows during the Oakland years.
Anything else to add?
10 years to drop an arena rock album without a legitimate hit? That's bad for business. Sometimes I feel sorta bad for Axl, but not really b/c that son of a bitch has enough cash to avoid the sun for life.
GNR - Ted
Album Rating:
Ted
What's the best track and why?
There was a Time. It reminded me most of a vintage GnR ballad, chugging along slowly and surely until it erupts amidst Axl's wailing.
I recommend listening to this record while...
Getting ready to watch "Hot Tub Time Machine"
While I listened to this record, I pictured...
The episode of the Sopranos when Tony's cousin Tony, played by Steve Buscemi, gets out of jail after 20 years and the only suits he has in his closet are Miami Vice-esque 80s gear. This record sounds like a vintage GnR record, except because they took 20 years to make it, it's the musical equivalent of Austin Powers being de-thawed.
Anything else to add?
I think the record sounds really good, especially Axl's voice, and the band sounds like GnR despite the cast of thousands who played on it and the absence of most of the original band. Still, with many of the songs exceeding 5 minutes in length, especially toward the back end of the record, I found myself checking my watch, a lot, which is never a good thing.
GNR - Tim
Album Rating:
Tim
What's the best track and why?
I am torn between Streets of Dreams and There Was A Time, both are just really good songs, they both follow the tried and true GNR formula, of melodic and light early on only to morph into a super dark and wonderful place.
I recommend listening to this record while...
Downloading something new and better to listen too.
While I listened to this record, I pictured...
This might sound weird but stick with me. I pictured Lebron James. Like Axl he is a man that had it all, became villified to the point that people were openly praying for his failings, and when he did fail they relished in it. Lebron is in a dark and lonely place, much like I imagine Axl is.
Anything else to add?
I feel like if this album came out when it was supposed to, it would have been a huge success. The culture and the sounds have changed so much that it just sounds dated and hacky. Although I do think if this was a Meatloaf album, we would look at it completely different and consider it masterful.
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