If there's one thing I know, it's creepy. I come from a creepy Luxembourgian family who has, for years, invested in the dark arts and the procreation of lizards with purple scrotes, tongues and urine. My first forced tattoo was a picture of a wolf having its way with a roller derby queen while a group of high school freshmen chanted "HAM SANDWICH! HAM SANDWICH!". I think it's delightfully humorous, others have called it creepy. Which is mad gay yo.
Fortunately, our next interview victim, RAPEWOLF(POW!), knows nothing of the word creepy. Creepy to RAPEWOLF (POW! POW!) is a sensible dinner followed by a mere walk around the neighborhood.
RAPEWOLF (POW!) sees every moment of rest as an opportunity to perform sit ups, push ups, pull ups or call people pussies. It's rather endearing.
He isn't trying to prove he's stronger or (POW!) better than you, he already knows that silly! While his rap sounds like something out of a day care talent show, he is better than most 5th grade spelling bee champions and he enjoys making you listen to his gibberish.
Fortunately for me, I like his gibberish better than most people's serious attempts at musicality.
SYFFAL: Dear RAPEWOLF, the last we heard from you, you were designing a line of women's clothes made entirely out of your body hair. How is the chinstrap coming?
RAPEWOLF: It's going good, just got 100k in orders from some weirdo fags in france, I hope they die tho, cause they're french
SYFFAL: Your typing ability has improved. Where do you see yourself in ten years? Dog years.
RAPEWOLF: In jail
SYFFAL: That answer is 88% hip hop. You somehow managed to earn a coveted spot on the Machina Muerte roster, who did you blow for this opportunity and would you care to admit you're the most talented out of all of them?
RAPEWOLF: BO$$ (that one rap cunt from back in the day with that video "deeper"), of course im the most talented, nobody in machina can do more pushups/pull-ups then me
SYFFAL: What was it like working with Gloria Estefan?
RAPEWOLF: It was cool, but her grabbing my penis as a greeting got old quick cause she smells like tacos 24/7, I ain't trying to smell no tacos in the morning bruh
SYFFAL: Bruh, freal. If you could go back in time and reverse one thing, what thing would you reverse and would you be okay with it also reversing your aging process in return for you reversing something since you probably shouldn't be fucking with the time space continuum anyway?
RAPEWOLF: I'd reverse KRS One's nose. The world would be a much better place with no "hiphop kulture (spelled with a k or KRS gets mad)" or temple of hiphop, I mean, it's like, fucking shit bro, and Fuck yeah im ok with age reverse process, ANYTHING TO STOP THE MADNESS
SYFFAL: How many protein bars does it take to shut you the Fuck up?
RAPEWOLF: I eat about 7 clif builder bars a day, so id estimate prolly round 2,546.465 and some stupid chinese symbols cause the chinese are stupid.
SYFFAL: Many people (two) have commented on your ongoing battle with a certain twitter handle and how it almost seems like the two of you love each other. Would you care to comment? *please note that I will edit this to make you sound like a jagbag*
RAPEWOLF: oh you mean ricefag? yeah that fool is in love with me, it's pretty creepy/sad cause he's rarely funny anymore, sometimes I think its mindbender pretending to be ricefag due to the massive decrease in wit, he used to clown the Fuck out of me, now he's 1 out of 10, if that
SYFFAL: He's actually one of my real life friends and he's Romanian, not Asian. What is next for RAPEWOLF besides rape?
RAPEWOLF: interpretive dancing, nascar racing, eagle punching, #FINNAHANGMYSELF
SYFFAL: Your previous rap moniker, Alex Pathetic, is kind of self-deprecating. RAPEWOLF is kind of empowering. Who are you trying to inspire with your "against the grain" christian rapperings?
RAPEWOLF: funny you mention christian rapperings because my next record "christ love" is under the moniker "christwolf"(funny story behind it, has to do with Sole suggesting I make a christian record and stop saying faggot so much), and to answer your question, im trying to inspire beetlejuice from stern.
SYFFAL: Seven people watched in awe as you completely dismantled a shop clerk for handing you the wrong flavor blunt wrap. Just who do you think you are still smoking blunts?
RAPEWOLF: I think im black stevens
SYFFAL: Do you have anything exciting happening soon that is related to music that you would like to promote? Do so here. But start every sentence with "Aye Carnar", and end every sentence with "Muy papi".
RAPEWOLF: christwolf,stupid records with space (spacecadalack,whyknows,expatriots), magic johnson aids vid, a rapewolf/crimekillz record, and the record that will change the world "SO MANY GROSCARS" with sir serpdot-a-lot as "GARGOLOIDS OR MONGOYLES?" REALTRAPshit bruh, oh and also a super top secret record called "dear nas, please rape my mom, sincerely THE LYRICAL ORACLE"
SYFFAL: The internet is a buzz over your mysterious nationality. In the SYFFAL office pool, I chose 1/3 egyptian, 1/3 Puerto Pican and 1/2 Assyrian. Tim chose 100% beef. Kyle went wuss and said you had to be 1/2 albanian and 1/2 macedonian. WHAT IS YOUR NATIONALITY RAPEWOLF AND HOW BLACK ARE YOU?
RAPEWOLF: im african and im blacker then Fuck POW POW POW POW!
SYFFAL: I have no idea what the Fuck you just said. This whole interview is confusingers.
And because RAPEWOLF is such a generous piece of shit, HE'S GIVING YOU A FREE DOWNLOAD OF NEW NEW EP EP "STUPIDFAGGOTASSUNDERGROUNDRAPSTHATSUCK" just released TODAY! DOWNLOAD BELOW!