The SYFFAL Roundtable: Prince - Purple Rain

Ted Singer

What's the best track and why?

Purple Rain, because Prince basically thought/thinks himself to be as inevitable as the weather. He's Mother Nature, so why wouldn't the rain be purple? It's also a homonym for the reign of Prince, like Hitler's dreams of a 1000 year Reich. Darling Nikki is a close second because it led a generation of teens to imagine someone who looked like Apollonia pleasuring themselves with a rolled up printed publication. Did she go easy on herself with an issue of "Jet"? More hardcore with "Rolling Stone"? "Vogue"? There are a lot of unanswered questions caused by that one simple lyric.

I recommend listening to this record while...

Watching Apollonia purify herself in Lake Minnetonka.

While I listened to this record, I pictured...

Being at a middle school dance and hanging out with the other losers working the candy concession stand while Tim was purifying himself in the training bra of some willing young ho. The kid had game, and it's not a Sandusky-esque crime if you, yourself, are 13.

Tim's Note: The game was left in the hallowed halls of Blue Mountain Middle School.

Anything else to add?

When this record came out, Michael Jackson was considered a shining example for America's youth and Prince was considered a subversive weirdo. Nearly 30 years later, MJ is a dead weirdo and Prince seems normal, especially compared to MJ.

Joel Frieders

What's the best track and why?

When Doves Cry dude. That opening riff was my first ring tone for my old drug dealer/youth group leader. I didn't actually have a cell phone, but whenever he would page me I would make the "DEEK DEEK-DEEK DEEK. DEEK DEEK-DEEK DEEK" noise while shuffling my shoulders bruh.

I recommend listening to this record while...

Imagining your tween-self discovering masturbation. And/or watching girls in white sweatshirts and red turtlenecks try and get their bangs higher and higher and higher, while boys my age masturbated over them.

While I listened to this record, I pictured...

Del closing his eyes and saying to himself "God, why don't they make music like this anymore? It's so lush and personal!" and then I punch him in the fucking dick because Del is a fucking piece of shit.

Anything else to add?

Del once rode shotgun to go see Prince's wax doll at Madame Tussaud's House of fucking Wax People. Further proof, Del is a fucking piece of shit.

Dick Richardson

What's the best track and why?

Darling Nikki - Half because it simply sounds like nothing I've heard before. Half because that track is pretty much responsible for Parental Advisory labels and their ability to make me feel like a bad ass when I was 12.

I recommend listening to this record while...

It doesn't really matter where you're at, but you'd definitely need to have some black lights on. Being able to watch Prince slither around onstage whilst hearing these songs makes the most sense when you think about it.

While I listened to this record, I pictured...

Sitting in a house with a ton of snakes. Snakes everywhere. Snakes crawlin' into your cereal boxes. Snakes lickin' your VCR. Snakes knockin' over all your mom's Hummel figurines.

Anything else to add?

I fully understand that people are going to lambaste me for finding The Artist Formerly Known as Weird Daggery Lady Symbol anything less than perfection. It's the strangest thing, but can never see myself really digging that little dude.

Tom Dozois

What's the best track and why?

Not only is it the best track on the album, it is one of the best tracks of all time. 8.41 of pure epicness.

I recommend listening to this record while...

In a hotel lobby masturbating to a magazine.

While I listened to this record, I pictured...

JEHRI CURLS. Jehri culrs and Soul Glo everywhere!

Anything else to add?

Until recently I have never actually listened to this entire album from beginning to end. Everything fits together flawlessly. The album is pure perfection and Prince is a genius: insane song writing, insane vocals, insane guitar playing.

Del LeFevre

What's the best track and why?

It feels criminal to not select the tittle track what with it's eight minutes of pomp and circumstance and killer guitar work, but I'm a man of simple pleasures and low stamina so my choice is "I Would Die 4 U" Three minutes full of synth powered desperate love and promises. The song transcends 80's classification. It is timeless...plus It has a title that was made for these 140 character or less times.

I recommend listening to this record while...

Watching Purple Rain. DUH

While I listened to this record, I pictured...

My younger self, a tried and true MJ fan, changing allegiances the very first time my tiny little virgin ears heard "Let's Go Crazy"

Anything else to add?

All of Prince's post Purple Rain tomfoolery and failures have not clouded our judgement on this masterpiece*. That says a lot. How good is this album? I nominated "The Wall" for this month's roundtable...and i STILL voted for Purple Rain.
*Yep. I just called it a masterpiece.

PS. Joel can suck my hairy schwanz

Tim Baker

What's the best track and why?

Easily When Doves Cry. shit is bonkers. It really might be the definitive track of the 80s. This and Billy Jean should fight to the death in a dark alley on a Hollywood soundstage that has the vague feeling of menace and a lot of albino tigers in it.

I recommend listening to this record while...

Late night on the Max Fish juke box after about 7 hours of drinking. You will feel old but thats ok because you have money in your pocket.

While I listened to this record, I pictured...

Driving a rental van with a lot of gregarious friends. They will all shut the Fuck up during the good songs and talk over the bad songs.

Anything else to add?

This might be one of the most overrated albums of all time. It has 9 tracks, 5 are great, 4 are shit. How is this a classic? Prince in general is the most overrated artist of our time, however he is simultaneously the most underrated guitar player ever.

Ike Peters (The Coasts)

What's the best track and why?

"Darling Nikki" is hands-down (put those hands down!) the best track on the album. I feel like 75% of the greatness of this record is the energy, but this one is just inventive and throws you for a loop.

I recommend listening to this record while...

having a staring contest with your dog and winning. Every. Single. Time. Well, that's what I was doing at least.

While I listened to this record, I pictured...

Silk scarves. And glitter. Lots of it.

Anything else to add?

No.

Eric Mount (The Coasts)

What's the best track and why?

"Darling Nikki" is my favorite song on the album. It's very raw (obviously) and original; especially the guitars. Also, it brought the Parental Advisory sticker into our lives.

I recommend listening to this record while...

Flipping through old yearbooks.

While I listened to this record, I pictured...

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Anything else to add?

At the 2:04 mark.

Little Shalimar

What's the best track and why?

Tough one. There are so many joints on this album. It's hard not to go with When Doves Cry or The Beautiful Ones, but I gotta give it to Darling Nikki. It's hard, funky, and sexy, with an ill guitar solo, an insane drum part and probably the best scream ever committed to tape. On top of all that it really got Tipper Gore's panties in a bunch.

I recommend listening to this record while...

Running, driving, cycling, crying, getting laid, trying to get laid, masturbating, or dj'ing

While I listened to this record, I pictured...

All of the best sexual encounters of my life real or imagined. Occasionally Prince in his underwear pops up (which is creepy), but that passes and my brain returns sexual encounters.

Anything else to add?

In 1984 Prince produced (wrote and played almost every instrument) not only Purple Rain, but The Time's Ice Cream Castles, Shelia E's Glamorous Life, and Apollonia 6's Sex Shooter. not a bad year.

L.A. Girlfriend

What's the best track and why?

As a lady with a weak spot for crazy hi-hats and laser gun sound effects, I would say"I Would Die 4 U" because it encompasses everything a woman wants to hear: irrational "romantic" lyrics and the sound "chickachickachika."

I recommend listening to this record while...

Doing something absurdly sexy like putting a spicy BBQ dry rub on a delicious rack of ribs.

While I listened to this record, I pictured...

Prince decked out in a gold, jewel encrusted mini tuxedo, surrounded by brightly lit pastel smoke, unveiling doves from his beautiful little hands. I also imagine a velvet motorcycle (no idea what that means.)

Anything else to add?

Based on the sassy content of this album, it may sound strange to say that this reminds me of my childhood. I remember seeing this vinyl in my parent's record collection and being told that the movie Purple Rain was inappropriate for 5 year old children... Those were such good times. My parents are so cool it's ridiculous.

Toby Goodshank

What's the best track and why?

"The Beautiful Ones", for Prince's beautiful falsetto and the screaming crescendo.

I recommend listening to this record while...

Waking up first thing in the morning.

While I listened to this record, I pictured...

My childhood, the memory of discovering great rock music and MTV and how that music and those videos made me feel, the dawning of my sexual awareness... I pictured the 1980's and bright colours and jaggedly-shaped electric guitars.

Anything else to add?

Purple Rain is a masterpiece from start to finish, I would recommend it to anyone! This album and a large chunk of the rest of Prince's catalog has brought me indescribable joy over the years. Lately I've been really into "Temptation" from his album "Around the World in a Day".