Sometimes, dear reader, I do things for you that no-one else would ever do. It’s what granddads are here for. A bullet flies through the window after you told the neighbor kid about his halitosis in front of his girlfriend, and who accidentally gets shot in the face? Grandpa Lou. You spill coffee on your dress right before your parole hearing, and who’s there to trade clothes with you even though you are a size 4 in women’s and now your extra-large pants are stitched together from mismatching carpet samples? Grandpa Lou. You could not care any less about Charlie Sheen, but you want to impress the morons that you see on a daily basis like your cross-eyed godnephew Michael, and who steps in and watches everything Charlie Sheen-related at 4AM on a Tuesday? That’s right grandsons and granddaughters, your dear old Grandpa Lou does those things for you, and he’d do them again if you asked him to, because he loves you.
Being as Monday was Talk Like A Pirate Day, I decided to put on my eyepatch, head on down to the bay of pirates and see if the Internet might...
