Maybe I was raised to simply shut the Fuck up when shit doesn't go my way. It isn't that I feel everything that happens to me is a direct result of my own actions, or that I don't deserve the occasional free pass due to illness or something going on with my family, but I've learned to keep my fucking mouth shut rather than unloading into the universe that Joely needs a huggie. I remember when I was a kid my dad looking at me and saying one word "Quitcherbitchin'", and I don't necessarily always live by that motto, but the problems I deal with don't tend to involve the people I consider friends.
Sure, sometimes I'll call Burnout when I had a flat tire and broke a nail while changing it. I'd like to think Pauly and Tim are close enough friends that I can call and bitch about something or other without expecting anything other than a "that sucks dude". Sometimes I'll call Brandon and tell him the hot wings I ate the night before have given my asshole an unprecedented case of the ring of fire.
I am no more conveying frustration than I am sharing with a friendly ear that I'm simply venting, or whining like a male bitch, but I'm a mature enough adult to realize that those moments are few and far between. I've learned to avoid pot holes and I don't eat the firey wings as much as I used to, so I'm doing my part in avoiding these things happening to me in the future so I can avoid playing the bitch card to my inner circle.
Yet, I've realized over the past few years, as Facebook and Twitter have become more of a commonplace technology to use while on the toilet or to share the shit I write on Le SYFFAL, that there are literally dozens of whiny ass motherfucking bitch cocksuckers out there that use said technology to run for the mayor of bitchville. Most of these people are otherwise responsible adults with kids, mortgages, full time jobs and school loans, but they are so caught up in minuscule and trite bullshit that they don't see themselves as whining when in fact, that's all they're doing.
If you have access to a computer, you aren't dealing with even a smidgen of the potential horrors that people who can't even afford a computer or a smart phone with internet capabilities are. You aren't fucking homeless, you aren't fucking hungry, you aren't fucking living in war torn region of the world where your roof is a tarp and your breakfast is a cup of gruel and a plastic fucking spoon, you aren't living in fear of genocide, ethnic cleansing, not having enough money to feed your children and living out of a fucking car, and you sure as fucking shit aren't in a position to demand the little fucking sympathy I have on reserve by posting something as innocuous as ":-(".
As a matter of fact, if you use a social media outlet as a means of calling attention to something you consider "wrong" in your life, that's your first fucking mistake. Not only will you be greeted with a cold scrolling shoulder from my cold scrolling fingers, you're probably ignoring the people you actually have in your life that were put on this planet to hear that shit. Your mom, your dad, your aunt, your uncle, your cousin, your bff, whotheFuckever, THOSE people have earned the right to be your fucking ear goddamnit, not the entire internet.
You don't just sound like a whiny fucking pussy ass motherfucking bitch, calling attention to yourself to earn textual sympathy from people you don't even know enough to understand their place in your fucking in life, you throw negative energy into the fucking universe (as gay as that sounds coming from me) and you won't just suffer me ignoring you, you'll probably continue feeling the way you do, or experience more of the same shit that put you on the internet by typing ":-(".
The world is full of selfish motherfucking people who can't see three feet past their own fucking vagina, and those are the people that don't surprise me when they constantly experience the same negative events over and fucking over. People who put this type of horseshit energy into the internet are forced to eat the same shitsandwich refuckingpeatedly because while they're wasting their time getting a few "awwwwwww, let me know if there's anything I can do"'s, when they should instead be making sure that shit never happens again, the world is cocking back for another fucking slap across the face.
Maybe that's the difference between the people I look up to, and there are hundreds, and the people I look down on. It isn't that I think I'm fucking better than you, it's that when I read you pulling the same shit that should only work with your mom when you're fucking 5, I know I'm fucking better than you, because I keep that fucking shit to myself.
If you post FML in any of your feeds, and you aren't being facetious or laughing at your own predicament (which I find entertaining and endearing, or enterdearingmenting), you're asking for that shit to keep happening. And you're a piece of shit.
Life is fucking a shitload fucking better than you give it credit for, and I for one, will not have my fucking friends acting like fucking ruby lipped vulvas when they are my friends because they are the opposite of gash clams; they're huge, strong, confident, plaid-veined-cocked, leather clad, hoagie eating, sleeve tattooed, amazing mouth harp playing awesome muthafuckers.
Start paying attention to what the Fuck you post on the internet, as no one likes a whiny fucking twat acting like Delbie Downer all the fucking time. Pretty soon you're going to notice no one is "awwww"ing you anymore because they've ignored your whiny bitch ass bitch ass.
For the rest of you that continue along this path, get in the back of the truck, it's time I did what Dirty Frank did to Smokey back in high school. YOU GETTIN' THE SHOTTY YOU shit!