5. She uses the word "trill" when speaking to our many many small chilrens.
The other night the twins ran up to her like "Yo ma, check out how many playing cards I can fits in my mouthed." And she was all "Yous babies, yous are so trill." It was then that I realized that I rub off on her as much as I rub ON her. And for that, I am fucking thankful, she is the trillest yo.
4. She is quite possibly the most organized person in the world.
The next time you're out by the crib, you gotta check out my underwear drawer. Going from left to right it goes darkest to lightest to oldest, and then in the back she keeps my sexy time drawls all balled up like pannyhoses. Then in the front there's a mound of old shitty drawls that I keep cause I'm all sappy and sentimental and keep pairs of drawls that remind me of friends. Like my pair with all the crabs all over it, I keep those in memorium of a weekend in Gulfport, Illinois where my friend Rannal got squirted in the face by a stripper who I think queefed. He claims she stepped on a frog, which isn't uncommon in strip clubs near the Iowa border, but you know Rannal, always the queefee, never the queefer.
3. She is more beautiful to me every day that passes. Same wit DAT ASS!
This is not related to the hefty amounts of moneys we spend on her skin rejuvination creams and sexual lubricants. Yes, SYFFAL-Fans, the creams are my semens and the lubricants are my semens. And they, they, they are the esspensives.
BUT SERIOUSLY FOLKS, I could stare into her huge motherfucking eyes for the rest of my life, and I plan on it. If she let's me put it in her butt sometime soon, I swear I'll remarry that Fuckin' broad yo. BUT THIS TIME IM HIRING A MARIACHI AND A DJ THAT ONLY PLAYS BACHATA.
2. She is an amazing fucking mother and I knew she would be, so I win in two ways.
Actually three, if I get to put it in her butt and let it chill. BUT SERIOUSLY FOLKS, her mothering ability is out of this fucking world and I saw it the minute I checked her out at the bar I worked at in college and decided I would like to impregnate her. She was self-aware, confident, bright eyed, fucking gorgeous, tall enough to reach the top cabinet, had a jiggle to her wiggle, and was easily impressed by my ability to lift very small objects. Any woman who can make a man feel like a champ when refilling pepper shakers is a fucking saint. AND I MARRIED A SAINT, AND OFTEN GET TO SEED HERS NAKEDS!
1. I love her more now than I did 7 years ago.
This is partly due to the fact that I'm losing my hearing and can't hear her incessant BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH as much, but stills yo, she the Fuckin' rillist n shits. She puts up with my need to constantly be in motion, and respects the fact that I can't stop playing guitar in front of people because it's part of who I am. Even though she gives me guilt trips sometimes cause I'm gone with all these ho's tryin to mack on my manshanks, but she knows I ain't be's lettin them skanktramps around me pee nozzles n shit yo. I appreciate her more than she knows, and I am willing to go through with the tattoo of her face on my schwanz n steamers. I just need to raise more money for the cocktattoo, CAUSE WE KNOWS THEMS AINT CHEEPED!
She's really grown on me. I will keep her. I will also attempt to put it in her butt at every opportunity.
HEY LOOK SHE'S MOWING TEH LAWNS!
FINNA THROW IT IN HER BUTT AND LET IT CHILLLLLL!
I love you Julie.
P.S. If you read this and don't know my wife, she's fucking awesome and you can't have her, be her friend or even look at her, cause she's in the basement spackling okay? BUT I SWEARS SHE EXISTSES!