I have been sitting on this Ty Segall interview for a while because well, I am an unorganized mess and if it isn’t in my folder of things to post it doesn’t exist. I have been obsessing on Ty’s very amazing album Melted for the past week or so and it dawned on me that Ty and I had a conversation about a month ago. He wasn’t the grumpy old dock worker I had built him up to be in my head. In fact I found Ty to be an amusing and sensual man, sort of like a half naked clown.
So without any further delay let’s dive into this son of a bitch.
SYFFAL: Since I am either lazy or borderline illiterate I am going to assume there is no bio on you. So in an effort to help our readers get to know you can you answer the following
Just who the hell do you think you are?
Ty Segall: Just people. Just people
SYFFAL: When was the last time you flossed?
Ty Segall: I don’t remember
SYFFAL: Is it because you it causes a bloody mess?
Ty Segall: I bleed profusely when I floss
SYFFAL: Groooooss. Why are you so damn dreamy?
Ty Segall: Because I don’t get enough sleep
SYFFAL: When is the last time you really cried?
Ty Segall: This morning when I looked in the mirror
SYFFAL: Awww that is so sad. From what I have gathered there is either one person or 82 people in your group including someone who claims to be an MD. Are these people part of your multi-personality disorder? And what did you think of the movie Disorderlies with the Fat Boys?
Ty Segall: Ty Segall doesn’t actually exist, he is a collective of people wearing masks and I appreciate disorderlies
SYFFAL: You better. Do you consider your sound to be more High School Musical or The Peach Pit After Dark and why?
Ty Segall: HSM because we are happy people
SYFFAL: You picked the answer that made you a sex symbol to 12 year old girls you sly dog you. So, are you still writing about me in your dream diary?
Ty Segall: Actually I am doing so at this very moment.
SYFFAL: God damn you Ty Segall, you just made my heart skip a beat. Your album melted is so good that it caused me to black out and wake up in a Russian bath house wearing nothing but a towel and really comfortable slippers, was your intention to make me risk my marriage and family for the joy of Russian baths?
Ty Segall: Of course
SYFFAL: But why are you trying to tear apart my family?
Ty Segall: It’s not me
SYFFAL: Then who is it?
Ty Segall: My men are on the street we are still trying figure it out.
SYFFAL: You are a helpful son of a bitch, to pay you back I am going to make up a rumor about you to spread to my very influential cabal of friends, I will give you the courtesy to pick the one you are most comfortable with:
- Ty Segall left the priesthood after a questionable call during a parish softball game
- Ty Segall auditioned for a co-host position on the view but lost out to Shari Sheppard because his views on ice cream were just too extreme for middle America.
- Ty Segall claims his balls resemble 39th President of the United States Jimmy Carter(left) and Magic Johnson (right)
- Ty Segall is solely responsible for the war on plaque
Ty Segall: The one about the view, I have very extreme views on Ice Cream and all Iced and creamed products.
SYFFAL: Who are 3 bands we should be listening too?
SYFFAL: If they suck I want my money back, speaking of money, for $1000 will you play my prom?
Ty Segall: Of course
SYFFAL: Is it weird that I am in my 30s and still going to prom?
Ty Segall: Of course not, you being there is the only reason I am going to play your prom
SYFFAL: Want to be my date?
Ty Segall: Since I’m already there why not.
SYFFAL: I will have you know you will not get past 3rd base. In five words or less tell us why you are so god damn amazing?
Ty Segall: I’m not that amazing
SYFFAL: Good looking and modest, what’s not to like? OK, in 3 words or less, one of which is carnivorous why is Melted so great?
Ty Segall: Only carnivorous acid
SYFFAL: Which of the Designing Women do you most connect with and why?
Ty Segall: I don’t know what Designing Women is.
SYFFAL: It’s ok, I am old and get excited by old women. Can I put you down for Delta Burke?
Ty Segall: Sure, Delta Burke it is.
SYFFAL: Anything you want to promote?
Ty Segall: We are always on tour.
For all things Ty Segall visit his myspace