Open Mike Eagle is a SYFFAL favorite. It's not just because he's black and we want to see like cool white people (even the coloreds on staff), it's because he's actually quite the talented individual, AND he's black. If it were easier to explain, I would have already done so.
But alas, it is complicated. OME is rife with a casual confidence that is not only eerily similar to a one Ricardo Montalbon, it is what got Obama elected and cost Constantine Maroulis the American Idol crown.
Let us celebrate Open Mike Eagle going on his Natural Causes Tour this fall with another edition of "Try to avoid the obvious homosexual feelings this website has for this mocha skinned hunk of sex".
I will be in attendance at his Chicago stop on November 8th, 2011 and I will plan on taking many pictures of his pants. Taut. Taut. Taut. Pants.
SYFFAL: Miguel, you cut your hair recently. Was this in a fit of jealous rage over the fact that your hair was more easily recognizable than your actual rapz, face or personality?
Open Mike Eagle: Look, if I ever write a rap that sounds like it should have a 'z' on the end of it, please kill the shit out of me. I cut my hair cause I wanted the freedom to have a busted fro.
SYFFAL: Sorry, I don't know what a busted fro is. How often do you frighten people with your eloquent wit, serendipitous charm and all around rigamarole?
Open Mike Eagle: I only scare prejudiced whites on long elevator rides... when I'm threatening to stab them to death as a punishment for the Tuskegee Experiment.
SYFFAL: Let it go bro. Let it go. If it's time to make the donuts, what are you actually making? And does any of what your making actually involve the penis?
Open Mike Eagle: I only make rap songs, turkey burgers and social missteps. They all involve my penis.
SYFFAL: I'm happy to hear you say that. And that leads me to my next question: Let's make fun of Intuition right quick. What is the easiest way to confuse Intuition? Is it by speaking with manys manys plurals? Or is it by speaking slowly? We all know he has the attention span of the reticulated northern ground squirrel.
Open Mike Eagle: The only thing that confuses him is when a guy is really good at dressing up like a girl. He acts very "confused" and then you don't see him anymore for the rest of the night.
SYFFAL: Tell me a story that involves you, a vacuum cleaner strapped to your minivan roof, and seven strangers speaking strangely.
Open Mike Eagle: Dude thats my favorite Arcade Fire song... how did you know??
SYFFAL: If there's one thing I know, it's the blacks. When can we expect you to be successful at rap instead of trying so hard all the time and getting nowhere?
Open Mike Eagle: Right... about... now. My bad... I had to stop crying.
SYFFAL: Was that insensitive? I meant to ask, when will you be successful enough to fly home on someone else's dime so we can hang out and my wife can cook us a delicious pastry covered protein meal?
Open Mike Eagle: Well I just happen to be going on a tour next week that'll bring me home. I'm travelling with J-Natural and this guy named Blu people seem to be into... here... go look at the dates: OPEN MIKE EAGLE NATURAL CAUSES TOUR DATES!
SYFFAL: That Blu has his face in the clouds with a crazy adorable smile on an album cover that I've seen. He must be made of dreams. If you could be a rodeo clown what would your rodeo clown name be, would you be one of those fancy looking bum attired clowns or one of the sloppy hillbilly attired clowns and finally would you be willing to perform at the Gathering of the Juggalos and be the syffal reporter for the event?
Open Mike Eagle: Juggalos give me menstrual cramps so that's out... I'm repping for bum clowns with broken flower pot hats all day.
SYFFAL: Don't play me like I got a flower pot head. You and your future wife have twins. Under the threat of death you are forced to name them Meadowlark and Lil Left Nut. What kind of adults to do you think they will become and how hard will you steer them away from the world of rap?
Open Mike Eagle: I have a current wife and a current kid and he currently raps better than me even though he still occasionally shits himself. It would be nice if you never reminded me of that again.
SYFFAL: Give me five reasons why New York is better than LA but LA is better than Buffalo.
Open Mike Eagle: Buffalo? Why that's close to Ithaca... did I mention I was going on tour? NATURAL CAUSES TOUR INFORMATION CLICK HERE!
SYFFAL: No, you did not! What is the most racially insensitive thing you ever did, and what is the most racially sensitive thing you ever did and did it involve cuddling?
Open Mike Eagle: Never ever refer to a Guatemalan as a Mexican... Especially not in sign language.
SYFFAL: Will you cover the song Top That from the movie Teen Witch for our next installment of Pop Cultures Collide?
Open Mike Eagle: no.
SYFFAL: Dick. How much did you miss us when we took that sabbatical over that one day that one time?
Open Mike Eagle: It was all good. I learned everything on wikipedia that day.
SYFFAL: Is that code?
Open Mike Eagle: Yes.
GO SEE MIKE ON TOUR IN A CITY NEAR YOU. NOW!