Joel Frieders Interviews KEjNU

It can be said about me that I'm random, scatterbrained and oftentimes distracted when it comes to music. shit that hits me on Monday could annoy me by Wednesday, and shit that I fucking loathe upon first listen could end up being my favorite shit if I walk away from it for a few weeks, months, years, whatever. On the complete opposite spectrum of my fascination and fetish with music, is the music that instantly hits me and inspires me to tell as many fucking people as possible about it.

KEjNU is one of those bands that I was instantly in lust with because of their copious amounts of percussion, syncopation, synth, electronic influence and what sounds to me like the semen-crusted lovechild between Radiohead, Silverchair, Spoon, Slow Car Crash and some other bands that I will fellate on demand for the rest of my short time on earth. While I'm undecided on their name, and I can't quite place some of the other bands I hear in there, I want to fucking listen to their latest album all the fucking time since hearing it for the first time early last week.

Because I'm a fanboy and I would rather tell a band myself than have them hear it from someone else who isn't me, I wanted to tell these obvious fucking bork ass borks how much I want to masturbate upon hearing their music, I found em and contacted em.

While it's pretty easy to assume that I might've been somewhat offensive during our correspondence across thousands of miles, I assure you, no penis pictures were exchanged.

SYFFAL: What fucking country are you bork ass borks from?

KEjNU: When you wrote 'I like Toblerone', you had it. All the good chocolate comes from where we come from.

SYFFAL: What the Fuck does Kejnu mean in your native language? A few of us were speculating on one of the following "reindeer penis", "slotted spoon" or "manipulative cunt who resides in the bed next to me" - any of those close?

KEjNU: Very warm, man. We try to create songs with a certain depth and queerness, and we try to paint and not to explain. We cannot use a füdli name everybody understands. So we chose a unique name, a complex mathematical construction, with a nice look and sound but no meaning and no chance for confusions.

SYFFAL: I have a favorite question for every band I assume wears really tight clothing on occasion: State the names and instruments of each member of the band, start with the most feminine and work your way down to flamingly metrosexual.

KEjNU: When rehearsing, we don't wear clothes at all, we all hold our hands and shake our balls to the rhythm and sing. We have Ray on rhodes and keys, Jonas on bass, Aless on drums, Reza on guitar and backing vocals and me, Nuél, on vocals and guitar.

SYFFAL: Seeing as how I found your music on a blog, listened to your music, liked it, then contacted you, am now interviewing you, and will probably suck you off to other music nerds, what the Fuck do you think about internet piracy now you fucking selfish micks?

KEjNU: 'fucking generous and noble', i'd say! As you Hohlkopf might know (I'm sure you don't), our second album 'Companion' is exclusively available as free download on our website KEJNU.com for almost 3 years now. Internet piracy is nothing to 'think about', it's a fact to accept. The more of you poops download our music on illegal ways, the bigger we get, the more fame we gain, the higher the price for our toiletseats on ebay.

SYFFAL: Does it bother you that Americans are so much cooler than people of your native Zimbabwe?

KEjNU: We recently had waves of suicide because of that burninig political problem!

SYFFAL: If you all were stranded on a desert island and had nothing but a soccer ball amongst your mates, what would you fashion into a vuvuzela and how many awesome car chases do you witness living in a place with such criminally attractive banking laws?

KEjNU: Vhatt ze Fuck? Save that brilliant question for the next band you interview.

SYFFAL: Whenever I meet someone from a different country, they always want to see me naked for some reason. There was this one time I was in Ryazan, Russia and all these broads wanted to peep the schwanz. I let a few look, but you don't know what type of shit those broads pick up living in near tundra-like conditions. That's like asking for a blowjob from a field mouse, it's just risky. How do you feel about the rumor I just made up about you guys all having matching tattoos of each other upon your inner forearms?

KEjNU: Holy shit, I knew that our music is kinda dangerous, but, I had no idea it can tangle and puzzle young people like you that badly! I am so sorry man. Lie down and relax and listen to some normal pop music for a while!!

SYFFAL: Your latest album is called I Have No Arms and No Legs. Is that a dedication to the scene in the movie KIDS? This scene: 

**If yes, Fuck yeah; like Telly, I like Fuckin virgins yo.

**If not, I will never understand European people. You have all these awesome countries within driving distance, and you drive so fast you can't even see em!

KEjNU: It's definitely not. I learned that it's not very clever to talk about titles or lyrics. Yes, we have awesome landscapes, you gotta come here one day and have a walk in the mountains and have a little lunch with some bread and cheese.

SYFFAL: Because of where you guys are from, one can assume that your grasp of the English language isn't as awesome as people born in Britain or America the beautiful. Forcepts connundrum carrier pigeons fenagle sandstorms for manipulative blokes on horseback fortunate enough to receive cotton swabs in post-revolutionary single serve hi-hats. Do you agree?

KEjNU: Yes, but, hereunder unfitting nonflanking pipers of cubination works from the leaflands highest dravens, the impastical grear teternuates fleas and boreshippers. To implan and discorrate those feals of mystic, toxic labbons is an unribbon and jinglified bee-bumper to all the actionistic moos and turns. We purposely try to lower the quality of our English to a minimum so we won't get confused with american bands, ätsch.

SYFFAL: I described your music to my pet turtle Ramsey, named after Peter the Great, as Radiohead fingerbanging Slow Car Crash and Silverchair with respective hands, while allowing the members of Spoon and Whitest Boy Alive the opportunity to film said fingerbang and attempt to profit off of the erotic film by selling it to large white American males who then split it into segments and post it on redtube.com and other awesome websites I never go to because I have sex all the time cause I'm totally married dude, totally. Does this seem like an accurate portrayal of your music?

KEjNU: These are my words, man. I actually thought this would be an official music genre, but the only options were Pop, Rock, Indie, Electronic and Örgelimusig, so I chose all of them.

SYFFAL: How bout you give describing your music a go, try using only the following: a recyclable hygenie product, a Russian delicasy, and a sexual position only known on the internet.
My attempt is tampon borscht arabian bullwhip.
SEE? EASY PEASY!
NOW YOU TRY!

KEjNU: Peach-colored fuzzy ambient rock n roll with glassfront.