Interview with DIETRICH: Don't Cry For Me Argentina

The Internet, she provides.

In my never-ending quest to digest muy delicioso musical nutrition, I am routinely aided by the unknown. In this case I was directed in the way of this band, Dietrich, by an unknown random syffal reader with an even randomer twitter handle.

While I was sheepish at first, I soon found that fucking sheep marinated and roasting over a fucking rotisserie with baby organic carrots poking out its orifices as it slowly rotated over a fire of cultural disdain, carnal sexuality and misguided albeit chivalrous masturbatory waste, dried on the heel of a warrior's tube sock.

Dietrich's music makes me spout off with random monstrosities about leather clad mercenaries and bone pierced vagrants in burlap undies, it has a tendency to make my imagination wander, and it drove me to find them and annoy them with my awesome questions.

Direct from Argentina, speaking the language of the gauchos, and probably really glad they don't know me personally...

I give you...

Dietrich

SYFFAL: I have a favorite first question for every band I assume wears really tight clothing on occasion: State the names and instruments of each member of the band, start with the most feminine and work your way down to flamingly metro sexual.

Dietrich: DIETRICH was created in Brazil in 2007 during an inner voyage of hakinen and frisco. They realized that they could and should make music as an expression for their own frustrations in life, because they transformed their bodies into channels for the primitive energies of the universe.
So they started recording all of the instruments for each song...
Then as time went by... other friends decided to enter DIETRICH.

DIETRICH is:

HAKINEN (songwriter, guitar, keyboards, bass, percussions)
FRISCO (Songwriter, bass, guitar, keyboards, percussions)
MACOI (guitar, bass)
WILOW (keyboards, bass, guitar, percussions)
DORADO (keyboards, guitar)
RODO (drums)

SYFFAL: When did you guys realize that you were Mexican? How often do you guys rehearse seeing as you have to steal your instruments before every rehearsal?

Dietrich: We rehearse 3 times a week

SYFFAL: Your latest EP, with its UNBELIEVABLE title that is the fucking same as your fucking band name, Dietrich, has a bunch of names that are awesome animals, which in our country, are also amusement park ride names. Seeing as I'm a giver, and I love your fucking music, I wanted to help out with song names for your next project. I will list the names; you will give me a compliment in your native Irish language that is in no way insulting to me or my fellow countrymen.
*Slain pixies strewn across the dirt floor.
*Castrated bartender.
*I am not a eunuch.
*Foreign film student fakes own death. Turns out he was actually from Chile. Figures. Fuckin' Chilers.

Dietrich: *Catamaran carnivore. (Love this one!!!!)

SYFFAL: *English is my second language's penis.
*Just because I'm from Argentina, doesn't mean I can fellate myself.
*Devil's cod piece.
*Try the veal, its mooooooo.

Dietrich: *In Argentina, video game plays you! (Hahahahhaa)

SYFFAL: What was the inspiration for naming an EP with your own band name? Were you guys high on something? Cause I'm pretty sure there's time to fix it with your next album. Just re-release the same songs and change the titles. BOOM. NEW ALBUM. No one will ever know guys. This is post-rock, not fucking pop music. Thoughts?

Dietrich: DIETRICH EP was picked because we felt the word was the foundation for the birth of the band as an artist expression.
First was the name... then the band. DIETRICH is a strong word.

SYFFAL: What countries have you played in so far, as the band Dietrich? Do any of you have any allergies? Pussies.

Dietrich: We did not play in other countries... but we can’t wait for play our music around the world! As an instrumental band... we speak in the universal language... the music... so there is not a language barrier between our music and people.

SYFFAL: I've played in dozens of bands and had thousands of people ignore me on stage while doing so, and the one thing I regret the most was not being honest with the people in the bands I was in. I was constantly sucking off their egos with compliments and musical gyrations that weren't sincere. What the Fuck is wrong with razors in Ecuador? Don't you fucking dirty hippies know how to use a fucking straight razor?

Dietrich: You are crazy but I love you my friend!!

SYFFAL: So I've spent some time alone with your music videos, what is it with you fucking Columbians and filming obscure nature and televisions playing sports or war coverage to really sad music? IT'S fucking AWESOME! It kind of reminds me of the time in college, or el Universidad to you Peruvians, when a bunch of us ate mushrooms at this lake during a cardboard boat regatta. Some kid almost died and there was a helicopter and a guy in a yellow inflatable raft with a video camera that ended up getting arrested cause he didn't have any pants on and was jacking off to the wet shirted girls of Sigma Sigma Sigma. Man, that was fucking awesome.
What's the best place in Bolivia to score some serious weed, man? I ask because I have an imaginary friend named Agarwal who is traveling around the world taking pictures of this hand painted piece of paper named Flat Stanley. Do they have Flat Stanley in Uruguay?

Dietrich: Each of us has skills in other art disciplines such as filmmakers, photographers, writers... etc...
So we try to give our videos the feeling it’s not a video clip but a video art expression... give them the abstract epic sense we give to the music.

SYFFAL: When are you coming to America and when can I expect one of you guys to get arrested for smuggling talent into the Estadios Unidos?

Dietrich: We must go to the states...we think you people would appreciate our music the same as we do... (Please help us Joel!!! hahahaha)

SYFFAL: If you could play one location on earth, no matter what or where or when, what would it be? How many fucking xanax are you guys on right now? How many fingers am I holding up?

Dietrich: I'll speak for myself but it should be the GRAND CANYON in sunset or a Hawaiian volcano at night.

SYFFAL: What was your favorite question of this interview?

Dietrich: This one!! (hahahahha) (the last one....about the places)

SYFFAL: How fucking awesome is our website here?

Dietrich: Your website is scuba diver oxygen in this azufre ocean... thanks for give people the chance to connect with the escence of the invisible blood of the universe... MUSIC

SYFFAL: I went to high school with a kid named Tim Dietrich, he was kind of an asshole till he got beat the Fuck up in front of the whole school. Then he was pretty cool to people after that. Any relation?

Dietrich: Tim Dietrich was last year trying to climb the Aconcagua.. some people said he cheated by renting a helicopter...