Dark Time Sunshine are my favorite rap group bro.
Onry Ozzborn raps and Zavala produces, and from the fruits of the looplaborz comes the best stuff ever bro. Like, DTS is the hip hop equivalent of Froot Loops instead of Rice Krispies in Rice Krispie Treats bro.
I've never had the opportunity to be so severely infatuated with a rap group before, and I'm seriously considering serving myself with restraining orderz so that I don't ruin the sexual tension I've already created with these two dudes.
Let me tell you the sexual tension is thick, speckled with facial stubble, and as Puerto Rican as Zavala is Irish.
You've never been this in love with a rap group either, read as I interview them while they each do their laundry for the Aesop Rock Skelethon tour, which started last week. If you haven't heard their new album ANX, you are a piece of shit.
DARK TIME SUNSHINE INTERVIEW GO:
SYFFAL: I will not lie to you and say I did not pay off Fake Four to hear the new DTS album. I offered three reachies (reach aroundz) to hear a bromo promo and was awarded said promo based solely on my awesome fucking calf muscles, tony bromo. ANX is fucking unbelievable. When the beat dropped on Can't Wait the first time through, I threw a fresh cup of coffee against my kitchen wall and just went prosciutto (HAM is for bitches). It's fucking amazing and I can't wait for the rest of the world to hear it. When did the both of you realize that keeping the stickers on your baseball caps was waaaay more empowering than a high school diploma?
Onry: When I met Zavala at the New Era factory in Las Vegas, New Mexico that we worked at is when that was decided.
SYFFAL: So the title of the new album is ANX. Is ANX an acronym? Does it stand for Academy of Nursing Xenophobes? What is ANX bros?
Onry: ANX is simply the name of our pet hyena that we're gona bring w/ us on the road for this album.
Zavala: ANX is an acronym for Alex Needs Xanax.
SYFFAL: Which one of you is lyingz? After watching your promotional video showing the creation of the ANX album, I noticed your clarinet player's knees. My favorite part about clarinet players is the way they look blowing into their reedz, with the dry overhanging top lips and the shoobie doo bop and the legs spread whilst sitting and stuff. Where did you find a hip hop clarinet player? Craigslist?
Onry: Exactly. Zavala did find him on Craigslist I believe. He as well will be joining us on tour.
Zavala: Craigslist, yes.
SYFFAL: Onry, how often do you google yourself? Alex, when was the first time you googled yourself? Did you guys learn about that stuff in Catholic schoolz? I'm not ready for the google talk with my kids, I'll tell you that much.
Zavala: When I got the internet, for the first time... 2 years ago haha.
Onry: I've never Googled myself because I don't know how to use a computer (ask anyone who knows me).
SYFFAL: I'm not shocked about Onry's lack of compy skills, but I know Zavalalala been googlin' since learning the cntrl+w trick bro bro. SYFFAL started after a pick up basketball game outside of Brooklyn seven years ago, when I took Tim "Alaska" Baker to the fucking cleaners with my patented no look hook shot, and then performed CPR on him after realizing I had taken him to the fucking cleaners and you cannot breathe when you are at the fucking cleaners bro. I believe it was the fumez. Where did you guys meet and what is "your song"? When your song comes on, do you seek out each others glances and smile to each other slyly?
Onry: I met Zavala in Silver City, New Mexico at a frisbee golf (glow in the dark mind you) tournament. And we have NO SONG because I love music & Zavala hates it.
SYFFAL: Zavala is a DICK bro. Me and Tim "Alaska" Baker's current song is "That Good" by Onry Ozzborn, which I was told you guys won't perform at the July Aesop Rock tour stop because you're "only playing the DTS hits from the 80s, 90s and today". When did you realize that I'm going to fucking hold that fucking shit against you and scream out "THAT GOOD" just to be a fucking pussy ass bitch gay ass fan boy who wants to hear "That Good"?
Onry: How did you even get That Good.. its not even out yet.
SYFFAL: The internet bro, on the computer bro, I'll teach you bro. Onry, if you could pick Alex's rap moniker, what would it be and why?
Onry: I would name him Krispy Kreme. Why you say? Because he had to fight his whole life.
SYFFAL: Yes, that makes perfect sense. Tuna salads ARE impinging on the rights of the telekinetics bro. Alex, if you could pick Onry's producer moniker, who the Fuck cares what you think muthafucker?
SYFFAL: What do the both of you have against generic soda? I happen to think Dr. Thunder is quite fucking delicious.
Onry: Fresca sucks.
Zavala: Dr Thunder sucks!! Eat organic and local and sew things!
SYFFAL: Fuck both of you. Since you guys are opening for Aesop Rock on tour to support his new album "Words That Only Make Sense When I'm On Drugs", when are you planning on telling him you have no idea what he's talking about but just love to hear him talk? Do you imagine you'll get any time to watch him sleep on this tour?
Onry: We understand Skelethon perfectly being that I ghost wrote the album, and Zavala produced it. And Aes don't ever sleep because he is usually out warning others... or eating donuts.
SYFFAL: Out of all the cities in the world where Dark Time Sunshine has performed, where was the absolute worst population of people? I'm guessing it was Evansville, Indiana. I have a friend named Jake from Evansville and he is a piece of fucking shit bro bros. Do tell.
Onry: Our show at Terry's Boot Ranch in Othello, North Carolina didn't pop off I'll tell you that much.
Zavala: Hormel, WI is terrible... sorry everybody out there. We did a weird show for the Hormel chili factory's summer company pic-nic/ corporate event type thing last year and we had to wear these lab coat looking jackets and perform at the factory. Had to wear hair nets and all.
SYFFAL: Are there any plans on doing an 8-bit Christmas remix album featuring the divine rhyming stylings of a one Onry Ozzborn, featuring production from Baby Jesuzavala? I plan on covering that if so.
SYFFAL: You're going to murder me aren't you. SYFFAL is all about three things: independent music, misspelling the words guaruntee and restarant, and fucking titties bro. What three bands/artists/emcees are you guys each listening to currently that most people either might know of or know that you're into? I'm currently pretty gay for this band called RIBS, and fucking titties bro.
Onry: I like Danny Brown, The Knife, & Lil' Pippy from East Prague.
Zavala: I listen to myself pretty much.
SYFFAL: What were your graffiti handles during the graffiti boom of the late 80s? Mine was JORTZ.
Zavala: Whoa! Really? Mine was JORTS 147... - 18686 - 9234 - 616 - 890 - 782422.
Onry: Never been to tahitti.
SYFFAL: I would like to end this conversation with an apology in that every time I meet Onry Ozzborn I'm so overly excited I'm talking to Onry Ozzborn I drink so many alcoholz I forget I met him and I meet him again and again with the same initial meeting excitement the next time I run into him.
I am a fucking fan, and I'm not ashamed of writing your name on my trapper keeperz. THANK YOU FOR EXISTING BRO BROS.