I love it when I'm on the toilet and a video link pops up from an email address I don't recognize and I'm all "well who knew I had seven minutes to burn?". So I clicks the links and I let the video load and I start half-watching/half-yawning.

Until I'm not. (The following is an accurate reenactment of my toilet experience.)

THIS LADY IS OBVS A DOORMAT.

HOLY HELL HER FAMILY SUCKS! SHE FINNA SNAP!

OH HELL BALLS SHE SNAAAAAAAAAAPS!

Why am I cheering on a music video?

How does one achieve an erection while defecating?

How did it all come to this?

WHY AM I MAKING THE SCRUNCHY FACE?

WHY DO I WANT TO RUN IN SLOW MOTION TO THE CORNER STORE AND BUY A GANG OF fucking FUNYUNS?

Jesus balls the beat on this song is making me want to break fax machines, like, all fucking over the place. What started out as cinematic and beautiful is now whisper-screaming in my ear to kill all of the technology. I SHALL PUT MY FISTS THROUGH EVERYTHING! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Who the Fuck is BiPolar Junction and where can I get a hug? I'm so much everything. Confused. Aroused. Excited. Completely terrified.

I WANT THIS FEELING TO KEEP HAPPENING EVERY FIVE MINUTES AND TWENTY FOUR SECONDS!