Bandcamp Artist of the Week: Loaded For Bear

I once saw a guy play heavy metal saxophone. Dude was fucking killing shit, and it was a fucking sax in front of a metal band. As confused as I was with the insertion of a sax into the heavy distortion, it worked because the muthafucker made it work. While, yes, during their set up on stage I was kind of expecting a facetious toot or two and then for him to drop it and move into some serious rock microphone mannerisms.

Didn't happen.

I was fucking floored.

This week's Bandcamp Artist of the Week, Loaded For Bear, came out of the fucking gate playing heavy fucking metal with a fucking sax.

Of course there's no sax and this isn't metal, but within the first 45 seconds of the first track Widow Maker, from their 2011 album The Exit Carnival, I've got that scrunched up confused face with a slight grin. What the Fuck is this? Dude's voice is like an all male orgy between the vocals of Depeche Mode, The National and David Bowie, but behind him is this gloriously strange post rock.

The instrumentation from Loaded For Bear starts with a foundation of simply organic piano and strings but takes a turn for the weird with some of the most deliciously out of place/perfectly in the right fucking place electronic synth, and with the addition of atmospheric post rocky guitar work, it's confusingly fucking gorgeous. Honestly, the violins from this band make me want to bury my neighbors.

At a few different places throughout their latest album I pictured vocalist Kyle Jones as a viking holding a silver goblet in one hand and a fucking oversized turkey leg in another, but rather than eating the muthafucker, this hairy prick is singing into it like his pants are le leather and his footwear is an hours old family of le beaver. It's theatric, it's humorous, it's over the fucking top at spots, but it's captifuckingvating as shit and I'm now guilty of saying shit in public like "LIKE A BEACHED WHALE IN THE SUUUUUN" with as deep a bellow as I can muster. No matter who looks at me like a psychopath, I know the viking lord Kyle Jones approves.

Loaded For Bear are still slightly weird to me ear holes, but I'm completely fucking gay for the track The Exit Carnival I, and encourage you to fucking immediately hit play on this sumbitch when you're done being distracted by my giant testicles. These pricks are from Portland, so they live in the majestically fucking crisp mountains where Kindergarten Cop was filmed, and because I'm a fucking toolbox, I imagine all of this shitstains answering Mr. Kimble's question "Who is your daddy and what does he do?" with 'Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina'.

Yep, that's how I choose to end this.

Great band. Vikings. Vagina. Penis penis penis.