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Hit play on this song and then imagine me emerging, almost birthing, naked and lumpy, and fully coated with a thick transparent mucous, out of a large blooming flower. As I stand, I shake my hips to and fro, whipping the clear, sticky goop from my thighs to the ground surrounding me. I slowly take my hand and cup it around my opposite arm, and I wipe downwards, and more of the schmegma flings off of my arm onto the floor around me. Then I repeat with the other arm, while slowly, seductively, and sensually flinging the goop onto the already flung goop on the floor around me. Just as you start to become even more aroused, I make eye contact with you and ask "do you want fries with THIS?" and thrust my pelvis in your general direction.  Then as you tuck yourself back into yourself, you...

I draw hearts on my Trapper Keeper for Haerts. I listen to Haerts in a rented tux with the untied bowtie dejectedly hung around my neck. I kick the dirt on the ground in frustration for Haerts. Why? Becuase every song sounds like 80's prom heart-break.  I FUCKING LOVE HAERTS.

My post rock appetite runs deep. Runs deep. So deep. So deep. {insert comment about how it puts my butt to sleep, but in a good way and not at all sexual} *pops hip* When my thrusting hip hop fists and pulsating electronic dance hips need a rest, I can always rely on instrumental brooding rock shit to carry me. My latest fascination is with my education, who just dropped the track "Open Marriages", which is a blend of 70s fuzz and late 90s romantic comedy soundtracks.  I fucking love overlaid guitar riffs, almost as much as I love a perfect intro into a song. "Open Marriages" has fucking both. Equal parts soothing and aggressive, there is something so fucking inspiring about a track that makes you want to both shut your eyes and clench your fists. Use...

One time I was on stage in front of a few hundred people and my amp straight up fried. I froze, but only for like two tree seconds, then took my guitar off, and danced how you would imagine I would dance to this song. I was a gangly jangly mess of arms and elbows bros.  That event solidified the fact that I feel that I'm comfortable in the face of technology wanting to stick its finger in my bum, and also that I can dance to Wolffe tracks waaaaaaay before she was even born bro. Wolffe sort of reminds me of the pop music I act like I can't stand but secretly love hearing everywhere I go, except Wolffe makes me want to strip naked, hop into bed, and do the running man sideways so my feets make that "ZEEOOOW ZEEEOOOOW" shooshing sound in the sheets bro. FUCK...

I listened to this track more than a dozen times this weekend. Feeling like a take on something Saltillo would release, this shit has me comfortably brooding. As a sucker for strings that are tastefully executed, I'm even more of a minor key fanboy than one might imagine. The clackety clack of the drums almost feels like shackles being dragged across a dungeon floor and I fucking love it. Introspective and evil, I could listen to this for the rest of my life and not care it's so fucking comfy. No clue who Mebitek is, but The Unconscious has me hitting repeat all damn day.

You only get one life.  And it might take the whole damn thing to come to terms with it. Admitting your faults and fears and insecurities is really fucking hard.  I find the balance between striving for betterment and feeling content to be a high wire walk over the churning insides of a violent cauldron. Leaning too far in either direction leads to the disarray of complete depression. It’s something that can leave you feeling not good enough, attractive enough, kind enough, competent enough, worthy enough. Enough.  You only get one life.  And I really want to live it.  Fuck New Year’s Resolutions! But if I was going to set a goal for the future, it would be to become more comfortable in my own hair-covered skin. To look in the mirror and see all that I’ve accomplished instead of all that...

When I used to live in California, my roommates and I would sort of meet up around the same time every day after work. We'd dick around for an hour or so, talk about what food to cook or whatever, prepare to intoxicate ourselves, and then walk towards Sands Beach in Isla Vista, CA. There we'd then sit in silence and watch the surfers watch the sun sink into the ocean. I never really remembered us making plans to actually do that, it just turned into something that anywhere from two to seven of us would end up doing anywhere from three to seven nights a week.  Call it instictual, call it habit, call it the perfect time to separate mind from body, but it turned into something that I sort of carried with me into my early adult years. Now that I'm over 35, I don't have the luxury of enjoying...

I sat on this song all weekend.  Meaning, I started it and then tuned out, almost on purpose, before starting the song over. If you looked at my play count it would reach into the two tree dozens. It somehow distracted me from my own distractions. Was Geti singing? Did I like it? Why am I so sad? But then why am I so comfortable in this sadness? Was this dude talking about anxiety? I've been thinking a lot about my own anxiety these last few weeks. Is me addressing my anxiety enough to conquer it? I've been making a lot of assumptions about the image I portray and relying on people's opinions of me instead of what I assume to be the real me, but that gives me anxiety too.  "Doctor My Own Patience" deserves your attention for a few plays, at least. ...

I consider Kauf one of my favorite fonts.  It isn't like his music is just a "type", or of a certain "style", it's that his music is so fucking appreciated I use it like I use my favorite fonts; all day, and sometimes in all caps, and occasionally bold and underlined, much like my wardrobe. His new jamjam, "Pacify", feels like that one scene in Revenge of the Nerds where the dude gets lucky in the moon bounce with the hot cheerleader. While you aren't necessarily certain if you're going to get anything wet, when you finally ascertain the proper amount of warmth and moisture, you're weightless, happy, arms flailing every which way. You're just fucking fuck-happy.  Kauf makes me post-moon bounce coitus happy. (SOMEONE PUT THAT ON HIS NEXT PRESS...

I'M BUSY. IF I WAS STAYING IN A HOTEL ROOM I WOULD HAVE PUT THE PLACARD ON THE DOOR HANDLE ALREADY BRO. WHAT AM I DOING YOU AXE? I AM PERFORMING AIR DRUMS FOR THE BAND HEMBREE BRO. HOLD MY BEER. I'M ABOUT TO GO IN. Holy fuck I love this. Hembree is like the Trainspotting soundtrack just pegged the band Foals and they livestreamed it on facebooks so all of us could salivate and shit our pants simultaneously. I always love when I see the visual wavelength of a song and it's ALL MAXXXED THE FUCK OUT, and then when I hit play it doesn't disappoint! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  "Holy Water" is now the soundtrack to me walking out of work tonight on the way to an adminstration committee meeting where we discuss tax abatements and tax levy estimates AND I PLAY...