Quick Fix

Rejoice revelers! Your pop syth high priestess is back! Yep. Chvrches recently announced Every Open Eye, the follow-up to 2013's The Bones of What You Believe and I am damn near giddy. It drops on September 25th...and after hearing "Leave a Trace" my heart can't handle the wait. Lauren Mayberry eviscerates every ex in her path to the degree that I want to be one of those chumps in the worst way. If her kiss on is as passionate as her kiss off then it was all worth the pain. Feelz for all!

I was supposed to add three things to the grocery list app on my phone, but Facebook was open and no matter how many times I hit the home button it wouldn't take me away from the Facebook. I must've pawed at this gargantuan asshole I call a phone a good two tree times. But fate would have nothing of it bros. AND THUS... At the very top of the feed I couldn't close fast enough was a post from one of my favorite rappers, and it included two words I have been looking to see used in a sentence since a fucking lifetime ago. The rapper is Qwa and the two words smooshed together to make hell yes is Dirty Digital. There was a freshly shared soundcloud link, and it said Dirty Digital ft. Adad. WHAT. Dirty Digital is Qwa...

Joel says Ok, so the France speaker in the beginning of this fucker threw me off. I was expecting to hate this. Then I'm all swooping my hips to and fro and fro and to and to and to and fro and fro in my desk chair and all of a sudden the phones are ringing and I'm shoving rainbow sherbet in my face like a fiend. Whoever the Fuck Panic Is Perfect is, I want them to unvasectomy me, because this track is bound to get a muthafucker in a humpin' ass mood. Poppy and catchy and bouncy and catchy and infectious and catchy, the only antidote to this song's fucking awesomeness is fucking sleep. I JUST WANT TO RUN THROUGH THE HALLS OF MY HIGH SCHOOL AND SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS "THIS IS HOW SEX MUST FEEEEEEL!". Does that make me weird? Tom says Holy shit. Vampire lips biting...

Rob Sonic confuses the balls off me. Because Roberto Sonic is poetically wriggleschmelting e'ethang the majority of the time, I have a hard time imagining this dude doing regular day to day tasks because of how insane this muthafucker manhandles the English language. It's like, how would you imagine Shakespeare wiping his ass? What would Shel Silverstein doing his taxes be like? And now... I can't help but ask the question: HOW WOULD ROB SONIC ORDER A BURRITO? Oh Rob Sonic (sigh), I love everything about him ('cept his personality, what a dick that guy is). So here be the new single "Not For Nothing", which features Breeze Brewin of the Juggaknots, over production by my BFF Edison, and if you've never...

I love right now. Some random band that doesn't suck balls just sent a link to a single titled Redwood, and it's unbelievable. Seriously, the way the drums welcomed me in with the galloping I was already hooked and I hadn't even heard the vocals yet. Imagine starting a track with Andrew Bird, with the aforementioned galloping rhythm, but then add his trademark pluckage and a guitar lick that makes one twiddle some invisible air strangs, and then what's this? KICK ASS VOCALS? Ah Fuckballs on a low mileage 96 Camry this song is fucking balls. I can almost picture myself taking credit for how amazing this song sounds right now. So here is your new favorite band, Waterstrider. I've gone ahead and circled and red arrowed you your favorite bandmember below. He is a longshoreman, worked the...

 The topic of the 1990s and the top one hit wonders of the JNCO generation came up recently and spurred a spirited debate that included multiple YouTube streams, mediafire links, pie charts, bar graphs, carbon dating, and challenges of epic proportions. We take this shiz seriously, brah. The subject of "Best" is a subjective one but I pride myself in making lists..and I especially pride my opinions over people who flag "LFO" and "Meredith Brooks" in their best of lists. Those aren't hits, those are shits. Hearing these gross miscalculations I've taken it upon myself to craft the perfectly cultivated list of 90's one hit wonders. The rules are simple: The band had to have only had one hit, it had to be a HIT, and if their whole album was sneaky awesome from end to end than it is off the...