Laugh at What I Love

This week we discuss

Bryan Adams, Of Monsters and Men, Kano, Azealia Banks and Alanis Morissette

Staff | March 8, 2013

Welcome back to our weekly endevour into the world of pop music you silly sons of bitches!

This week we get all kinds of freaky, I am talking about hazmat suits and poppers freaky, I am talking Del talking to a girl without his hands in his pocket and looking at the ground freaky. I am talking Joel freaky.

Sure it is all pop music that everyone secretly loves, some simply hate it to justify their existance and experiences as somehow more valid because they listen to a Norweggian shit pelican who samples a meat grinder and laces it with bossa nova drums and the drones of meth heads, of course I am talking about Dick here.

Why not relish in the simple pleasures like the music that your wife most certain lost her finger cherry to at some 7th grade dance, or as Tom calls it, the best night of his life...that's right, Tom dropped a digit in your wives...every last one of you, even those of you not yet married.

So stop being the kind of asshole who is afraid to admit they love that semi creepy/borderline rapey song written for 12 year old girls, and drink in the goodness of bubble gum, even if just for a moment. Tomorrow you can go back to being the guy who doesn't own a TV and only smokes clove cigarettes while reading existential literature. We won't judge you for letting you dick drive for a minute or two asshole.

Tom Loves: Heaven by Bryan Adams

This song gets me every time because at least thrice a week I need to listen to a chorus that will make me want to flip up the collar and pump my fist with 100% emotional intensity. No song quenches this thirst better than Heaven. Go ahead and try it. "Baby you're all that I want......"

Tim Loves: Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men

Any time I want to feel like a skinny white girl making her way in the world of medicine, law, firefighting, policing or single parenting I throw this fucker on. I have probably heard this song more in commercials and TV shows about said ladies doing said occupations than I have heard it anywhwere else and thank god for that. This song gets me all tingly full of butterflies and International Coffees bro, the way it starts all soft and sweet like Tom, then gets all big time horns and heys with the hook..weirdly also like Tom. This is my fucking jam when I need to just get through the day without accidently sleeping around with my left hand (my right is hella clingy bro)

Dick Loves: Another Life by Kano

My simian brain is entirely incapable of comprehending just how fucking mind blowing it would be to step into an Italian discotheque during the 80s and hear this shit bumpin. The cocaine dust clouds would pretty much limit visibility to a few feet. Still...

Look at this guy Kano. LOOK AT HIM. BASK IN THE VIBRANT ENERGY OF HIS DANCE. It took me a while, but I think I now know how obnoxious college freshman with Hendrix posters feel when they say "man, I was born in the wrong era" after ginormous rips from a bowl packed with marijuana stems so large they resemble Kashi sticks.

Emp Loves: 212 by Azealia Banks

I have no shame in loving this. With lines like "I guess that cunt gettin' eaten" and "What's your dick like, homie, what are you into?" and "I'ma ruin you, cunt," this song's an instant classic. People don't say cunt enough and Azaelia Banks is doing her best to make up for the deficit. cunt cunt cunt cunt. Also, have you noticed that she's incredibly sexy? Even in that goofy-ass Mickey Mouse sweater she gives me the stiffest of stiffies. cunt cunt cunt. The beat is simple yet provocative, and the way she ups the volume as the song goes on, along with her ludicrously sultry lyrics, makes the song climax in just the most disgustingly blissful way. It gets everywhere. It's all over me. cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt. Love it.

Joel Loves: Thank You by Alanis Morissette

Dude, I totes played my "reggies" playlist in the car the other day and Thank You started right away. This song makes me remember the job I had when I lived in Santa Barbara and had to be on the freeway by 3:45am. And then it makes me think about the fact that this same old fucking station wagon was always in front of me. And then it makes me think about my friend Art, who also drove a station wagon, who I met at this particular job, and who is one of my best friends still. And then it makes me think that I didn't realize that Art's station wagon was that station wagon for almost five years. fucking Art bro. What a dick.