I'm Hungry...and Feel Like Doing Something Stupid - Angry and Anxious

I recently read that it is physically and psychologically impossible to experience anger and anxiety at the same time.

It really pissed me off, then I popped a Xanax.

Anger and anxiety are often experienced in what may feel like a simultaneous moment, but it's always one followed by the other. This is why you (yes, YOU) spend so much time rehashing what you would have angrily said or done in a particular moment of stress that unfortunately caused you to wilt like the little sissy you are... or made you throw your plastic cup at the wall because the fountain soda dispensed just a liiiiiittttttllllleeee too much syrup for your liking and later caused a panny attack because you felt ashamed of your outburst.

I am 32 years old. I am too mature (ask your mom) and tired to continue oscillating between the two A's. I want to smile when I'm happy and cry when I'm sad, not the other way around.

I've all heard the cliched responses: find your center (what am I, a tootsie roll pop?), cut back on stressful activities (suicide seems like a weird option for stress relief), try new activities (THIS YOGA STUDIO IS SO HOT), and spend time around friends and family (yeah, that's never stressful.)

So what self-indulgent coping mechanisms can I try? I am not a big drinker. I do not like pillzzz. I recently found out that nicotine can really mess with your sleeping patterns, so cigs are out. I've done enough wall punching and road raging to last a life time.

I did get an iphone. Oh, my precious little iphone. But I am far too sophisticated for retail theraOOOOH THEY HAVE TONY KORNHEISER PODCASTS GOTTA GO BYE.