Ampersands - This Is Your Adventure Too

By: Joel Frieders

Dude! This band, Ampersands, has a lead singer that SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE JEREMY FROM PHINEAS AND FERB!

I'm not shitting you.

I hit play and every single one of my kids turned towards me and said "Phinis and Ferm?" to which I responded "CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUUUUUUS!".

I'm certain 99% of you dickshits have no idea what the Fuck I'm talking about, and I'm okay with that, but I shall urge you to get up on your animated Disney programming bros. There's some gems in that fucking show, and if it had been around when I was in college many a drinking game and many a three footer would have been centered around it.

Moving on... Ampersands have that straight up cute motherfucking indie rock shit going on hard for them, with the bright eyed (and voiced) lead singer's pipes, the poppy twinkles of a keyboardist hell bent on sounding fucking adorable, a bassist flapping the pocket with a huge bass clef shaped cock, sassy and complimentary guitar work, and a drummer who has enough time and temper to allow breathing room throughout. They're like the modern day Monkees, except I'm nearly certain they aren't doing even a third the amount of blow those Bulgarian sasquatch taints were ingesting on a bi-monthly basis bro.

The bass intro on Golems in Waves, paired with the stoner vocal harmonies makes everything sound like a Matthew Sweet dating a Paul Simon while wearing the letterman jacket of a Toad the Wet Sprocket, who is still dating a Death Cab For Cutie. It's a sordid love affair pockmarked by nasty text messages, evil glances during study hall and the occasional internet rumor being tossed around the book that is face.

Yet, it's something nice and smooth you can bump around your ma, but at the same point it's hiding a porn under its bed with a few select pages earmarked, a few pages stuck together, and a flyer for a youth group folded into a pentagram shoved into the center spine.

I'm not sure where the naughty oozes out of these adorably sweaty gymshorts, but I'm fucking positive it's there. Regardless, maybe I'm lying to myself about wanting these guys to have something evil under their jorts just because I don't want to admit I fucking love the sunshine these earfuckers have shoved into two of my holes over the past few days.

There are moments on This Is Your Adventure Too where I'm certain I'm listening to the opening credits of a tween dramedy, as Ampersands seems to be spewing teen angst while still drawing dragons on their trapper keeperz, but it's fresh man, me likey.

Maybe I'm judging them using the only weapon I know how, but the end of the track October tells me these guys smoke the reefer. The guitar's dissonance that seems to be tickling the rolling bass line is proof positive these schprocketcocks are on the pot, and I fucking love it.

If you're into no-holds-barred holy-shit-these-assholes-are-talented Fuck-I-wish-I-could-stuff-them-and-mount-them-above-my-knitting-chair I would like to recommend Ambersands, which looks like a drunk G: &.

I MEAN LOOK AT THAT DRUNK ASSHOLE!