I've paid closer attention to the inner workings of the Kardashian family than I did the royal wedding. Seriously, there are few things I could give less of a shit about.

I've never been the protesting type and I'm not one for hippies. I went to an "anti-fur" rally when I was 14 cause of some girl I liked. I soon stopped like her and decided I'd rather just sit at home and watch TV. Way more my speed.

Sheen's an amazing example of how things work in media today. 5 months ago, he was a huge deal and you couldn't walk a foot without hearing some dipshit say "winning!" and now he's just another sad millionaire that will never get work outside of reality TV again. The cycle of life.

I think every gay couple who's ever been told that they can't marry cause marriage is sacred, should carry a DVD of this wedding around with them. Perhaps they can use it to slice peoples throats with.

I'm very much looking forward to her stint on either Celebrity Rehab or The amazing race. It really depends how much Jesus stays in her life.

The Beibsed god had a great year. He made millions, fucked a hot girl (as well as, I'd imagine like 100+ other girls) , got props for rapping, perfect his whigger hands and reinvented hair for soft emo kids everywhere. All this before his voice has changed. Impressive.

I didn't care about the NFL but the NBA lockout was giving me serious stress. I need NBA in my life. I'm glad they resolved it just in time for them to throw together a season of shoddy basketball. I watch a preseason game yesterday and I'm convinced that not a single player has touched a ball since July.

Gotcha bitch! Honestly, I'm more just looking forward to the video of his assassination leaking so we can finally see that he was, in fact, killed with kindness. #conspiracytheoriezzz

As long as my laptop will live on, he's done the work of angels.

The band? I mean, they're okay I guess. Oh, you mean the end of days? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAA! yeah bro. Cool story, god.